And so the odyssey begins...

The checklist
2 adults
1 16 ft moving truck with a pneumatic lift
and the will to move a small apartment from El Cajon to Santa Ana into storage.

Here we go.
Time out: Saturday, 1:25PM
Time in: Sunday, 9:10PM

The majority of the time was spent packing the remaining things that didn't get packed the previous weekend I was there and putting everything into the truck. It took 4 hours of driving (2 each way) because I had to drive 55 mph in the moving truck on the freeway. It's the law in California. I also had to go through all of the weigh stations along the side of the freeway as well and for those, you get to cruise through at a blistering 5 mph before you're given the OK to merge back onto the freeway.

We had to go to Home Depot in El Cajon to pick-up bubble wrap and more boxes and it was a good thing we did because boxes are cheaper there than at Ofice Depot and that allowed us to also get another lock and a small jar of spackle for the half a million nail holes she put into the wall over the 13 years she lived there.

The drive back to OC was kind of harrowing. It was full on raining and the freeway speed reduced to 45 mph in certain spots because of it. There were two accidents along the way that people just had to look at which slowed down traffic even further. The roads were so wet, I could feel the full truck hydroplaning abit.

 It took almost 3 hours to unpack the truck. In the rain. That sucked.

After it was all done, I took my son to Carl's Jr. because were were both hungry, tired, and wet from the ordeal and I didn't feel like going home and cooking at all. I crawled into bed when I got home and slept for the next six hours straight. Then I got up at 3AM and took a hot bath with epsom salts to try to make my soar muscles feel better. What it did was allow me to sleep through my 5AM alarm and I left the house as well as got to work late.There wasn't enough Advil in the world to stop my soar muscles from aching today.

It's raining again... and again.

I woke up this morning and turned on the television to watch our local weather caster who had pretty much filled in the extended forecast with every variance of a rainy day description she could remember, other than torrential down pour, over the next five to seven days. This was not good news because I'm moving my mother's belongings into storage this weekend. And it must be done this weekend. Next weekend is Christmas and you know just about nothing purposeful is going to get done that weekend other than the typical holiday faire. The following weekend is New Years, but the rent is only paid up to the 31st, so, again, I'm feeling screwed and not in the good way. I can only hope that Mother Nature has some pity on me and parts the storm clouds and ceases all precipitation long enough for me to get the truck loaded up.

Any sort of yard sale/estate sale is now out of the question due to the inclement weather unless I have it inside her apartment. I'm not sure if I'm exactly comfortable with that idea.

Karma's a bitch

In life, there is always a yin and a yang, a good and a bad, a right and a wrong, a black and the white. It's all those shades of gray that are the really messy stuff.

Steve is gone. He realized that he's not ready for a relationship. #1 reason: he's still in one. His host of health  problems, I feel, are due to stress from him not wanting to deal with his problems in the first place. His arguments are mostly circular which perpetuates his issues. I can't and won't fix you. Bye bye - good luck. You'll need it.

My mother passed away suddenly. I'm sure it was another blood clot that did her in. I wasn't close to her. I barely knew her. I'm glad I'm not that way with my son.

She did a lot of crappy things to hurt my brother and me while we were growing up and to this day some of her spite-filled actions, even through they were supposed to get my father's attention, still effect us. As adults, we feel fucked over by her passing in December and me discovering she had been living off of her credit cards for awhile now. I found two that were charge off's and there is this one for $15k. How the hell am I supposed to settle that? Shit.

She purposefully isolated herself away from family. After her triple heart by-pass last April, she finally understood doing so was not the way things are supposed to be and that her decision was screwed up.

I remember her saying this so many times when she didn't like what she was hearing from whomever it was that was saying it and now reflecting on the past, it wreaks of karma... drop dead. Ah, memories.

 I'll write more later when I'm not so busy. December is kicking my ass at work and home.

Work Work Work Thanksgiving Work

2010 Thanksgiving Day Menu:

Mustard deviled eggs
Celery sticks with goat cheese and peanut butter

Stuffed turkey breast
Cranberry sauce with orange bits
Rustic red skinned mashed potatoes with pan roasted garlic
Oven roasted carrots with rosemary
White corn on the cobettes
Turkey gravy
Wheat dinner rolls

pumpkin cake with vanilla frosting

Martinelli sparkling apple cider
Kendall-Jackson Vintner's Reserve Chardonnay

Oh the weekends here... again.

After going to dinner at a Thai place, I spent the night at Steve's house in Santa Monica again. I fell alseep on the couch. Passed out. Dinner was good. Whatever he had on TV was boring, so I dozed off. He woke me up at 3AM when he was going to bed after doing whatever he does on the computer. It didn't matter to me whether I slept on the couch or the bed after being asleep for 6 hours.

I woke up and eat the rest of the thai food that was left over and updated my yelp.com page and got on the road back to home by 9am or so. I went to a baby shower on Saturday afternoon. It was a shower for the unmarried daughter of one of the ladies at work. I'm not sure if it was greed or a nicity, but I was invited.

It turned out to be one of those events that might be career suicide if you didn't attend as the boss of my department went... the gal that called me into to the job that I have now. Her and her daughter that once worked for me as well as her two grand babies were there, too. Besides me, only three other people from work showed up... there were more invited. But it will all come out in the wash, now won't it?

I'm not feeling the effects of the time change - yet. I've been waking up early for weeks now. As long as I get my 6, I'm cool.

More more more

I hate it when I'm driving to work or at work doing something and a blog topic hits me and I can't write it down immediately to put it down into words later. It's a pain. I keep a note pad in my car, but really when do you get to jot down a damn thing while driving on the freeway in the dark at 6am going 70 mph? You don't. I was thinking of getting a personal digital recorder.

Basic

I think if I had to live in a world where there there were no pot roast nor roasted chicken to eat, I would not want to live in that world.

I made pot roast for dinner. I started with a clod of frozen beef shoulder. Add 4 beef bullion cubes, chopped potatoes, carrots, onions, celery, steak seasoning and a cup of water in a roasting bag and at 300 degrees and three hours later, bingo - dinner.

Thirty minutes into dinner, with me and my son consuming the meal, it's half gone. Yum.

This is cool!

Cooking again

I cooked a classic dish called "Chicken with 40 cloves of garlic" today. I edited the recipe to allow me to make it in a crock pot with boneless skinless chicken breasts. It was quite basic and very good. The prepared garlic I picked up at my local Korean grocery store. The rest, I already had on hand. And I made some steamed new potatoes for the starch.

Drama

I'm not sure what's worse - the drama that we carry inside ourselves or the unresolved drama in life that effects those around us. Maybe it's a combination of both to some degree.

Version 1:

It's easy enough to find unhappy men. Men unhappy in their marriage, in their unfulfilled career aspirations, in themselves. I guess what's hard is to find the courage inside to move forward and not dwell for too long on the stuff that depresses you. But how long is too long? When the inevitable conclusion is staring you in the face, does delaying the issue make it any less painful?

I've come to the conclusion that the man I've been dating since 8/13 has become a curmudgeon way before his time. I recognize now that he's been on the autobahn to this attitude because he has low self-esteem and that is something I find harder to deal with than his self-absorbed, crabby, opinionated ways. Add to his cocktail a set of health problems he's waking up to and it makes him seem more like a man who's approaching retirement instead of the age of 41 years he actually is.

Rules are for games. And I felt like a looser in the game of life where he carried the rule book. I was sad for about 5 minutes. I know I was stupid to get involved with a man in who was still breaking up with his wife after almost four years of continued co-habitation.

I took the long way home in Friday night traffic from LA. I watched the harvest moon follow me home. This is the first Friday night I've been home in 7 weeks.

Version 2:

My sexual prowess in bed was compared in contrast to a fat, loud, lying cancer infected alpha female diagnosed as clinically bi-polar who took medication in amounts considered overdosing to most. It's always an ego boost when someone under psychiatric care says fucking a crazy person on a mood swing was better than fucking you. Moron.

The fan must be on. The window must be open. There must be at least two comforters or three or more pillows on the bed at all times in all seasons. The door must be closed. The lights must be on and "without candlelight, I don't feel like I can get in the mood". These are the rules I had to play by in order to deal with  an ADD/OCD/diabetic man in bed. I closed that play book. I shut the door. I walked away barely shedding a tear.

Version 3:

He eats and he eats and he eats and then he drink and he drink and he drinks. His consumption is out of control and it's due to his diabetes and not much more. He's waking up to the fact that everything he knows is wrong, everything he thought was true is now false and you cannot live life without consequences. It's not a time to start a relationship. I can't fix him nor was I out to in the first place. I only showed him that dietary dilligence allows you to feel better one meal at a time, one day at a time. And now it's time to move on.

Version 4:

When someone from a website I contribute reviews to posed the question, "Any racial preferences?" I almost wrote, "Race isn't as important as employed non-alcoholic, not married and not having to take any mood stablizing drugs in order to function in society." That would have been the cruel, honest facts I was dealing with. Shit, what a walking mess of a man. And that's not even the half of it.

My Labor Day Weekend 2010

I went to the Peterson Automotive Museum in Los Angeles, CA during Labor Day weekend 2010. I was happy to see that they still had the "Stutz" exhibit up after so many years.

After, Steve and I went to lunch at the food court at Mitsuwa. It think that location is the smallest one of the chain in Southern California. I ate a cold udon soup and cod roe upon maserated raddish in a miso broth.

The next day, I took a hike in Peterson Canyon on Orange, CA. It was a 5.5 mile hike and I got a mild sunburn. But as I drove Steve back to Santa Monica, a large bank of fog rolled in over Southern California again. Summer is over. I think we had three hot days of it this year.

The detours of life

It's the end of summer and a few days away from Labor Day weekend. It was hardly a summer at all. No sweltering, sweaty days and balmy nights in 2010, my friend. It's my opinion volcanic ash is preventing that from happening for awhile. I just wonder what's in store for winter. The warmest winter ever perhaps?

I went to the Pasadena Jazz & Blues Fest for a good chunk of the day last Saturday which was about the most summery thing I've done to date besides maybe BBQ.

I'm in Santa Monica again. And I say "again" within the notion that I was here before for love and now, yes, again, I think. The last time was about 15 years ago.

All this getting to know each other better business has been pretty smooth, really. Surprisingly smooth. I guess part of that is with age comes wisdom. Mostly is compatibility which was very hard for me to to find. But then he found me when I was looking elsewhere. It's almost a relief to find someone who mostly thinks about things in a similarity vein as I do. We are not very careful with our words with each other and most of the time that's o.k., too.

As I'm writing this blog entry, he's over to my left beyond the keyboard serenading me, sort of, playing licks on his Ibanez. Coincidentally, I also own an Ibanez, but when I play it doesn't sound anything like what comes out of his amp. Listening to him play makes me want to trade to get a bass.

So you found out you're... I know, "Don't remind me."

It took a long time for me to come to terms with the fact that eliminating milk from my diet made me feel better. I discovered it about six months after I moved away from home right out of high school. I began an elimination diet taking out one thing and then adding it back in a month later. Butter was the first thing to go.

I enjoy all different kinds of food and I don't want to feel deprived, so it's not easy. Everyday is a struggle to make good food choices for myself. Eating out has been the biggest challenge. I'm glad I now live in an area where I have access to lots of Asian restaurants and it helps that I actually enjoy that kind of food. Where I grew up, that wasn't the case; a writing sample can be found on Yelp when I wrote about buying a stack of pizzas for the office at Pizza Hut when I worked as a contractor. Farmer's markets have also helped me slow down and plan meals in advance I can make so I don't screw up my diet.

Imagine living in a world where you realize latter your mom is poisoning you a little every day because she fed you something that was known to be a nutritious food and yet your body rejects it and in turn when you complain about a stomach ache, she does nothing. I used to writhe in pain on the bathroom floor after eating cheese, ice cream or drinking milk and when the cool floor tile pressed against my lower belly, I found it was the only thing that eased the pain. It's a wonder I graduated from high school because I was out sick probably for the maximum number of days a kid could be and the majority of the time it was for a stomach ache.

You might have noticed I have a vertical scar that runs from my belly button down to the top of my pelvis. It's not from a C-Section. I've had two major surgeries to remove parts of my intestine because Crohn's Disease runs in my family. At this point, I'm missing about 32 inches of gut so when I have to go to the restroom, the feeling is very intense and I have to go NOW. It's really annoying and depressing to have to know where the restroom is all the time, but I've gotten used to it. The other scar is from having a ruptured appendix which lead to the discovery of the aforementioned disease on December 15, 1985. The second operation on June 22, 2000 left me with surgically induced pernicious anemia so I get a B12 shot once a month. There is also a list of foods that just don't digest well anymore, so I avoid those, too. For example, you won't find me eating a salad made with iceburg lettuce because it works like a laxative on me. On top of it, the disease creates a general malabsorption of vitamins and minerals so a lot of the time, I feel a general malaise and not that energized (hence the state of my condo which I bought in 1999).

The doctors told me because of the scaring inside me from the disease, I might not be able to get pregnant, so when I found my first love/boyfriend in 1986 after living a repressed home life because my mom didn't allow me to date in high school, after being being together for five months, of course I got pregnant and decided to go forward with having a baby knowing the odds that I may not be able to again. I had Stephen in 1987, 4 days after I turned 21.

I had to supplement Stephen with soy formula when he didn't thrive while being breast-fed. It's common for infants to not be able to digest regular cows milk based infant formula and I latter found out that the disease skips a generation in my family, so he thankfully has no issues with dairy, but his kids probably will.

So how do you like me now?

Next time you crave something sweet, my diabetic friend, my advice to you would be, even though at this point it probably goes in one ear and out the other or makes you angry, is to grab some fruit and sugar free Cool-Whip so you don't have to feel so deprived and maybe add just a bit of chocolate shavings on top.

To let know know how much of a food 'nazi' I had to be to keep my own diet on track, during stressful times (especially when I was a contractor) I used to Twitter what I ate daily for all the world to see. Gees, I just realized I have even more food stories to write about... jaundice colored catfish - LOL.

Funny vs. Not Funny

Funny:

"Blowjobs are like snowflakes... each one is unique."
-Sam Kinison

Not funny:

When it takes over 3 hours to travel 42 miles on the 405 Freeway in Southern California. Atleast I had three XM comedy channels to listen to.

Rawk On

It's been one month short of 5 years since I met Kenny Howes and now he's out of here. He's moving to Texas. Dallas, that is. With his girlfriend. He came into my life at a time when I was at my lowest emotional low, right after my dad died. He wanted a redhead and I was a brunette so that was that. I can't say that we were ever good friends, but I can't say we were less than acquaintances either. Oh, those flowing blond curly locks. A free flowing, goof ball of an Aquarius and a crabby, wise ass Sybil of a Gemini were just never meant to be any more than friends. Thanks for The Move, Beatles, ELO and musical equipment discussions. One day, I'm going to make a special edition box to house all your CD's in. One day.

Helloo 44

Yesterday was my 44th birthday. I've been on this earth for 44 years. 44. Forty plus four. Here I am. Where have I been? What have I become? Where am I going?

I probably was supposed to ask myself questions like these a while ago, but life got in the way. Now that my son is two years away from graduating college, I feel like I've got a second chance to mold my life into something that's going to make me more happy than just getting by on the day-to-day grind that someone else was so kind to show me the path to.

To be human is to make mistakes. As long as you are open enough to learn from them and not repeat them, you take another step along your journey to a good life.

Funky

I've been in a funk lately. I think it's a combination of things that are effecting my moods: my job, turning 44, getting my Crohn's under control, not getting out of life what I thought I wanted in so much as a career goes and being lonely. Social anxiety makes me shy and nervous around groups of unfamiliar people. It's amazing to me that some people that have come to my attention recently are worse off than me financially and still somehow function. I guess I'm at a point where I don't have anything to really live for and the question, "What's next?", is being waved furiously in my face and I'm avoiding the answer for fear of my own disappointment and that feeds my procrastination. I've always been one to do just enough to get by and I've been happy with that, but since now I don't even feel like doing that... funk. Funkity, funk, funk.

Don't mind me, I just live here.

Thank you, John Kumpart. I've been looking for the words to start my blog all week long.

My neighbors in #15 have been remodeling their bathroom for far too long and I want the noise to stop. But especially the noise before 8AM and after I go to bed. That is quite annoying, indeed. We share a common wall.

I wish they were more respectful in general. When they first moved in, they installed a washer and dryer on their patio next to where my bedroom is. Because I complained to the HOA, they moved it to the other side of their patio instead of removing it altogether. I hate them for that.

I also hate it when they smoke on the patio and the smell travels into my condo when I leave the sliding glass door open for my cats to poo outside. I hate it when the one guy walks his motorcycle into his patio storing it there and I hate it when he starts it up there as well. I hate when they leave their dog unattended and it barks uncontrollably at all hours. And I hate when their kids throw stuff over the fence into my yard. I also hate the satellite dish they mounted on the fence where everyone can see it. All these things are against HOA rules. Worse condo neighbors ever.

convergance

Today is a day when lots of thing are converging. Rotd on yelp and talked to my uncle this morning who told me my grandma passed away yesterday. She was 102.

That Rotd was the last time I was on a date and it went bad, but last night I talked to a guy on the phone for two hours and we clicked. We are supposed to meet for lunch on Saturday at a place of his choosing. He's got the word angel in his last name. Italian, 3 cats, a tortoise and works in the mortgage industry like me. So he might be an o.k. guy which makes me feel hopeful for the future.

Physical... Education?

When I take the Metro light rail to work, I walk from the train station to work which is about 15 minutes away. It's not a big deal. I pre-plan my trip to make sure that when I depart from the train I have enough time to walk to work. As I come out of the station and walk south to the first crosswalk, I cross the street and pass by a business with the name Spectrum Athletic Club.

I always encounter someone on their long sidewalk. And I started to think about all the different people that that I've seen come and go from this place as I walk to and from work. It's a funny juxtaposition to me. Here I am walking to work to earn a living... here are all these people walking into and out of a gym they paid money to go to.

They have paid someone to tell them to work out. But can't you do that for yourself?

'Physical education' is a funny term.

Until you were in junior high, you didn't need any education on how to be physical. You and your neighborhood friends somehow spent most of your waking hours outside playing. Even at school, you played games to get that extra added activity in and got a grade for it.

Once junior high hits you, physical education then turns into a chore. Why is that? One specific person to tell you that, today, you're going to run the track because that's why they deem to be physical enough for you? Something just seems wrong with that.

My life at work

Seriously, what is wrong with people... what were they thinking when they invite me to a meeting without telling me the agenda or the fact that it's a sales person? Trying to be congenial, all I could think of was the fact that I'm never going to get that hour back ever. I went to lunch 20 minutes late because of it.

The salesman basically came by to talk about another product that's not even in production yet trying to generate interest. I wish I were somewhere else.

Fuck You All

I deleted all of my so-called friends on Facebook that were in my games group. Playing games for me on the computer is such a grand waste of time. I'm now left with about 176 people... a combination of family, friends, old school mates and a few artists and musicians. Shut up - people in the arts feed my soul. Besides, it's better to be active showing your support them than passively on the computer.

I hate Mother's Day...

Over time, I have gained a keen lack of appreciation for certain pseudo holidays that requires one to buy and give gifts or dress up in order to celebrate. Namely Mother's Day, Father's Day, Halloween and Valentine's Day. Let's take a look at them statistically:

Candy = 3:4
Flowers = 2:4
Perfume/Cologne = 3:4
Eating out = 3:4
Cards = 4:4
Clothing = 2:4

...but even I succumbed to 2:4 this weekend, thanks to Mom.

I woke up at my usual 5:05AM and by 6:30AM, I was traveling on Interstate 5 South to drive to El Cajon for Mother's Day. I took my mom out to breakfast to a place called Country Waffle. It's not as good at Waffle House, but the location and price were right. You can read my Yelp review about it. There is a widget on the left hand side of the screen to take you there.

It's been a month since the last time I visited. After her triple bypass, she seemed to struggle less with the fatigue and be more "in the moment" that she had been before the surgery. I bought her two mangevilla plants to replace the sad grape vine that I took to her bff's home in Lakeside. I planted those and monitored her while she did her laundry by herself for the first time in a month. She says she needs the wheeled walker, but I don't know. It's use is more of a dolly for her... a place to put her purse and coat between my car and the restaurant or a way for her to get her clothes to the laundry room in her apartment complex.

After planting and watering her patio, she gave me a waffle maker and I drove home at about Noon. Since I pass by an outlet mall on the way home, I decided to stop by, but since there was a mob scene at Carlsbad due to Mother's Day sales, I just drove through the parking lot and got back onto the freeway to go home. It was medium-heavy traffic from that point on all the way home.

I did not cook or clean today one bit. I got home, took a nap, got up and made myself a turkey sandwich on garlic rosemary sourdough I picked up from the Farmer's Market in El Segundo last Thursday. Turkey, mayo, mustard, soy cheddar, chopped sweet onion and spinach leaves. That how my sandwich goes.

The Rat Race

Friday, I had an extended break over tea talking to someone about all the goings on at work. It was good, but weird. I went into this job stating I did not want to be in management, but when people elicit my expertise or opinion because direct "management" is so poor and then act upon it, it makes me wonder what's in store for the future. The bad part is with all the hind sight we spoke about regarding a previous company, it won't help the current situation.

The good part, to some degree, was to realize it was not only me who is thinking the same things about the company. When a company sheds departments in lieu of 3rd party outsourcing, they tell you it's a cost cutting measure, but it stinks. It stinks for the workers who loose their jobs. It stinks worse when those jobs don't stay in the USA, but we shall see how that pans out.

At any rate, to quell my nervousness over these issues that leave me with an unstable financial feeling even though I was previously told that I'm supposed to be a part of the Master Servicing Team (a leftover skeleton crew of analysts), I'm looking for another job now before I suddenly find myself out of a job later due to whatever reason this CU ceases to function.

Sweet Talking Woman by ELO: "... insufficient data coming though ...what can I do?"

Nuts

Ever since I took over the credit reporting for the company I work for, my days have been consumed with other peoples problems. I'm not sure if I like it much. I was getting headaches the first couple of days I was working on my own. At least those have subsided.

I ate breakfast and lunch today so by the time dinner rolled around, I was hungry again - too hungry to go home and make dinner for myself, so I went to El Pollo Loco after getting some cash at the ATM.

My son was home by the time I got there and that was unexpected. He skipped class today. I hate when he does that. I've paid for all of his college this semester, so it's my feeling he should GO!

I threw an almond at one of my cats to see what it would do. It stared at kernel for awhile. The cat pushed it around a bit, sniffed, then stared at again. My son and I were eating the same almonds from across the room. I know the cat was getting hungry because she licked her lips, but she didn't eat the nut.

And what is up with this crappy ass gray dingy bull shit weather again? I am so ready for Spring and Summer to be here. It drizzled on my car this morning. A clear sign for me not to take the train.

So Wednesday I'm supposed to go out for drinks with people from work and then Thursday I think I'm having dinner with a friend in Long Beach - I think. The last time we planned it, the plans fell through at the last minute which leads me to believe that it's probably going to happen again. *Sigh*

An Unintended Benefit

This is what happens when you place a bird feeder over a flower bed - sunflowers. This specimen was the biggest one yet.

Driving in hell

The President of the United States is in town after attending two fund raising events. And this morning splashed all over the news is the fact that his motorcade will be driving to LAX during rush hour traffic. Basically, what happens is that the 105 freeway is shut down for only local law enforcement, secret service and a few bulletproof limos. It's a pain in the ass for anyone that's used to taking the 105 in the AM. But you can take Imperial or Rosecrans as an alternate because they both run in the same direction. It's days like these that make me glad I can take the train to work.

And so it goes

Obviously, I took last Thursday the 8th off to take my mom to the hospital for her heart bypass surgery. While in pre-op, the anesthesiologist said to give her a sedative to squelch her anxiety. It worked. She was sleeping by the time she went into surgery at around 8AM.

And now I'm inserting a link for the review I wrote about the Hospital mom went to because I don't want to type all of that out again.

Sharp Grossmont Hospital Review on Yelp.com

I stayed off work for two days and lost out on a good chunk of change and mom didn't even acknowledge the fact. My paycheck last Friday was shorted by one-third because of her and I'll never get it back.

Getting a phone call at 3AM on 4/14 better be goddamn important, but instead it was my mom bitching about the room because the bed was too big for her and she was hurting. Earlier in the day the hospital moved her out of the 5th floor and into the 3rd floor where the transition rehabilitation ward is. I told her to ask for pain medication if she hurt. I stayed on the phone with her until I heard a nurse was giving her two Percocet.

After that episode, hours later a social worker called me leaving a message on my cellphone and I returned the call at lunch. The social worker told me one story and I heard entirely another while I was on the phone with my mom. I explained she sounded as though she was delirious from the pain and this is her first surgery so she doesn't understand that she needs to be a better advocate for herself when it comes to controlling her pain. Mom needs to ask for her pain meds, no one reads minds and they are not going to regularly medicate her as if she were fresh out of surgery like a few days before. I also told the social worker about my mom's propensity to not work as hard as she could during physical activity which would be another reason why she would complain about where is was. The social worker said she would make sure the nurses ask more if she's in pain to see if she can be medicated more frequently.

I've been checking in on mom by phone for the past week. Her anxiety piqued on Friday when she thought she was going to get the O.K. to be released. She asked me to come, but she only had the clearance from one doctor. I told her I would call later after she heard from her other doctor. After I had ordered lunch, I called to check up on her and she was freaking out about something she said she found on her skin between her neck and body and a charge nurse was coming to look at it. She was too medicated to described it to me over the phone. Clearly, she wasn't ready to go home and her second doctor confirmed this to me and said she had to wait another week before going home. I reminded her that her bff's daughter can take her home and that's what we discussed while visited on Friday. She started to complain again.

Jesus, if you ever hear me complain to the level that my mom does about stupid shit, just put me out of my misery. Big bed, big car, no this, no that, you're 4'8" and the world's not going to conform to YOU, miss passive aggressive. You did this to yourself.

She's in there

4am comes quickly when you're not sleeping in your own bed. We were out the door by 430am and sitting at the intake desk by 445am. After all this mornings prep, I talked to the anethesiologist who talked me through the time schedule. If everything goes well, she'll be out of surgery by noon and in icu.

WTF

I'm in El Cajon tonight, the night before my mom has heart bypass surgery. It took me three hours, including a dinner break, to drive from El Segundo to here. I stopped at Panda Express in Oceanside for dinner.

So tomorrow I'm not going to be a happy camper getting up at 4am and getting out the door to go to a hospital. Generally, hospitals are not very happy places unless you are there to have a baby. And I'm not. That's the furthest thing on my mind these days.

Today at work, I went through MERS training and now the CU is officially MERS Ready. I think I registered 8 loans and my manager did one in training. My dept manager came in to talk after the training. She broght up a employee satisfaction survey and the statistical analysis from it and I'm not that surprised people are not happy with their jobs. When you have to be accountable for your actions and a quality product and not just making the members happy, things change. My dept manager knows I meant business when I asked, "How about making me happy and hiring me?" Right now I'm fulltime w/ no benis. And I need benis. With the changes to the board of directors, my hiring has been put on hold. Grrr.

6 hours before showtime and a short roadtrip up the 8.

The Pirates of the Caribbean?

Today, yet another executive decided to part ways with my current employer. I think this is announcement #3 of similar doings. Why do I get this sinking feeling that the rats are swimming away from a ship slowly taking on water but still bobbing in the waves?

I talked to my manager about straightening out the collateral processes. It's going to piss off some people, but I don't care. Step up or step aside.

Random musings for 3/22

- I'm glad health care reform passed congress last night. I'm wondering when it's effects will kick in for me or my family.
- It's weird when I'm trying to carry on a text convo with one guy on my laptop when another one calls me and I really don't want to talk to either of them all that much.
- car #2 was my choice today in order to avoid having to sit next to someone with their dog in a luggage carrier in the train.
- pumellos rock
- worked on the patio a bit over the weekend again. Now I know I need 31 more red cement bricks for the landing.
- My eye appt is on Saturday. I'm pretty sure my prescription went up. And I'm going to get rid of these stupid trifocals.
- I wish there was better lighting in car wash stalls so I could see what I missed before I was finished.
- Made a baked whole chicken and root vegetables for dinner. Classic Sunday dinner choice.
- I caught another fare cheater. There's no way to report that?
- I'm going to try and knock out two boxes for imaging today.

My Life on the Train

The first time I was traveling home on the train, it was a rainy night. My manager waled with me and we sat on the same bench trying to make small talk. At the Avation stop, the train went dead. We had the option of waiting for the train to get fixed, waiting for the next train, getting on the bus, or killing time. As I was looking around to see what there was to do, I spotted a liquor store and a strip club. Neither one seems appropriate for me to walk into with my boss or have him see me go to the, so I decided to wait it out for the next train. At least I wasn't sitting in traffic on the freeway in the rain. I still. Don't have much of an idea who he is. I've just decided to do my job and leave him alone.

Shit! I missed it!

Yelp bestowed me with my second ROTD yesterday, but for the car wash review? I don't think it was one of my strongest writing efforts, but I guess they liked it. *Shrug*

Re: Riding the bus changes her view

Yeah, that article is pretty light and fluffy, if you ask me. There is so much more to consider when riding public transportation other than people staring you down and annoying the driver. Geesh. How about - weather issues and how to dress, personal safety, it's cheaper than driving, I rather see the elderly on the bus than behind the wheel and wear some damn gloves and wash your hands. Screw keeping hand sanitizer companies in business. That shit is such a waste of money. Also, I must say - drunks on the bus are annoying to everyone who's not. People like that give Southern California a bad name. Go back to Indiana. Oh, wait, now that your parents cut you off, you'll have to sell all your shit on craigslist and take Greyhound. And you thought the regular bus was interesting... LOL. /rant.

Damn Wind

It was cold and windy today. So windy in fact, there was a damn wind advisory for Southern California. And so cold, I decided to drive to work instead of taking the train. Fuck freezing on those damn platforms. Not me. When the weather warms back up again, that's when I'll take the train again to work. 60 degrees or more: OK for train travel, 55-60 degrees: questionable, 55 degrees or less: hell no. There are no heaters on the train!

I took a wrong turn off of the 105 freeway today and because of the way the traffic is so highly controlled around LAX, I found I couldn't make a u-turn until I was all the way in Culver City. By that time, I could turn left. Then I had to back track back to El Segundo through parts of Culver City, Westchester, Marina Del Rey, Playa Del Rey, past Loyola Marymount University and somehow found my way onto Vista Del Mar (right above the beach but it's not PCH) which turned into Highland and intersects with Rosecrans which is where my office is off of. My "detour" added an additional 20 miles to my commute, I'm sure. I walked into the office 5 minutes before 8AM.

There is only thing I hate worse than being cold and that's the wind. I moved from Fontana to get away from the damn wind. Maybe I need to move to a biosphere where there's no damn wind. Or outer space, where no one can hear you scream about the damn wind because there is none.

I think the wind was even affecting my co-workers. Everyone was all yelling and shit and I hate that. You don't have to yell at work. The normal level of noise is good enough. Sometimes, I have to remind then to simmer down because they do get all worked up about this or that. Just fix it and shut the hell up.

Linda who?

This is just a random list of songs I heard on my favorite rock XM channels and sung to and from work today - second soprano, all the way.

Linda Ronstadt - When will I be loved?
The Carpenters - Sing a Song
Styx - Best of Times

Alone

Friday, I was invited to go out for a drink by one of the Yelpers (www.yelp.com)for her anniversary on the website. I said what the hell and clicked in that I would attend the event. There were about 30 others that did just the same. It gave me something to look forward to.

So Friday rolls around and I drove to the Citidel after work to kill time before the event and shop. I bought some Corelle bowls that are a great size for rice, a ginger grater, 3 new bras, a top from Van Heusen because they sent me a $10 certificate for being a frequent shopper. All right, they have cute dresses and tops for women there, not just menswear. In between, I bought a pretzel and lemonade from Auntie Annie's. It was about 8:30PM and I decide to drive to the bar.

I went to the Good Luck Bar in Los Angeles located right off of Hollywood Blvd on the edge of he neighborhoods of Silverlake and Echo Park. The event was supposed to start at 9:00PM, but no matter. The bar was chill and I bought a cape codder and settled into a red upholstered booth. I fooled around with my cellphone until 10:00PM until my drink was gone. I looked around the bar's two rooms for the people that were supposed to attend, but all were no shows. Was the joke on me?

No. From a young age, I was taught that it was OK to be alone. It's true that people who need people are the luckiest people in the world, to quote a Barbra Streisand song, because they have love in their lives and someone to lean on, but they can also suffer the aggravations from their interpersonal interactions just as much as I do. People doing evil things against other people is why the legal system exists today. It's why divorce and the Bible are as popular as they are is.

Integrity is key for me. The Golden Rule. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Is that so very hard to do? For some, I guess it is. Living in their self indulgent, delusional lives. For me? I'm happy I can function just fine being alone.

Another moment on my "Moment"

I just found out that I can blog from my new Samsung Moment. How cool is that?

I left the house at 6:10AM this morning, drove to work up the 22 & 405, found the traffic backing up a couple of exits before mine and decided to get off of the freeway. On Hawthorne, I ended up driving through parts of Manhattan Beach, Lawndale and Inglewood. After I saw the name "House of Donuts", I just had to stop by and check it out. $1.80 later, my curiosity was squelched and my tummy was full of one sugar twist and a can of strawberry Kerns.

Buzz buzz buzz

The buzz words today at work are:
National
Outsourcing servicing
Master servicer
Six months
FHA

My very own personal one is MERS. And I get the feeling someone is trying to steal my thunder. My petite wrath.
Atleast I made the cut so far. I wish my boss was here today. I feeling kinda lost. Like one feels walking on the beach when a wave washes away the sand beneath your feet. That kind of instability. And I don't like it.

What Color Means

CEO's and Color from USA Today.

My Results:

The Dewey Color System® is now the world's most accurate career testing instrument. This report based on your personality traits indicates your two most enjoyable day-day-day occupation skills. It’s a summary of the full report, the Color Leadership Evaluation 5.0.

“Studies indicate workplace enjoyment is the key to success. So as you read, consider only “Was I mostly having fun at work?” Disregard your present and past employer’s environment.

Best Occupational Category
You're a CREATOR

Keywords:
Nonconforming, Impulsive, Expressive, Romantic, Intuitive, Sensitive, and Emotional

These original types place a high value on aesthetic qualities and have a great need for self-expression. They enjoy working independently, being creative, using their imagination, and constantly learning something new. Fields of interest are art, drama, music, and writing or places where they can express, assemble, or implement creative ideas.

CREATOR OCCUPATIONS
Suggested careers are Advertising Executive, Architect, Web Designer, Creative Director, Public Relations, Fine or Commercial Artist, Interior Decorator, Lawyer, Librarian, Musician, Reporter, Art Teacher, Broadcaster, Technical Writer, English Teacher, Architect, Photographer, Medical Illustrator, Corporate Trainer, Author, Editor, Landscape Architect, Exhibit Builder, and Package Designer.

CREATOR WORKPLACES
Consider workplaces where you can create and improve beauty and aesthetic qualities. Unstructured, flexible organizations that allow self-expression work best with your free-spirited nature.

Suggested Creator workplaces are advertising, public relations, and interior decorating firms; artistic studios, theaters and concert halls; institutions that teach crafts, universities, music, and dance schools. Other workplaces to consider are art institutes, museums, libraries, and galleries.


2nd Best Occupational Category
You're a PERSUADER

Keywords:
Witty, Competitive, Sociable, Talkative, Ambitious, Argumentative, and Aggressive

These enterprising types sell, persuade, and lead others. Positions of leadership, power, and status are usually their ultimate goal. Persuasive people like to take financial and interpersonal risks and to participate in competitive activities. They enjoy working with others inside organizations to accomplish goals and achieve economic success.

* Section I: You and Your Team
This personality overview section highlights your natural workplace talents—the tasks you pursue with passion. You'll learn how your natural strengths complement those of your coworkers and how, joining forces, you can resolve on-the-job dilemmas.

* Section II: Your Key To Success
Here you discover your capacity for dispelling disruption and maximizing profitability. Use this proven, beyond-self-perception advice to create a more positive career path free of detours.

* Section III: Managing Strengths and Weaknesses
Your evaluation's highest and lowest scores result in this section's recommendations for staying on-track in your career and reversing wrong turns. In focusing on your talents and missteps, you'll re-stoke your energy and enthusiasm for managing costly mistakes.

* Section IV: Leadership Power Moves
This final section identifies your "street sense," those power moves that turn obstacles into insignificant details. Here suggestions based on your color-ranked evaluations will guide you towards making the most of an interview or harnessing your fast-paced workday.

...now tell me something I don't know.

The Awesoneness Has Arrived

Over the weekend, I got my car's engine light on my dashboard checked out. To kill time, I went shopping at Target, Broadway Shoe Warehouse and Radio Shack. I finally replaced the brick of a ppc cell phone I've had for so many years and bought a Samsung Moment.

So far, it's been awesome. I'm blogging from my phone on the train on my way home from work. The only bitch has been getting all my old info into my new phone, but that's typical.

From rain to train

January 21st was rainy and a three hour trip to get home. As I live 35 miles way, I found the time it took sitting... crawling on the freeway to my destination unacceptable. At the suggestion of my boss to take the train (which is actually light rail) to work, I checked it out online and then began to take the train on Thursday.

This past Saturday, I even took the step of hunting down where I could buy a tap pass (which is a debit card specifically for mass transit in Los Angeles County). I was able to buy one at a check cashing store in Norwalk where I catch the train.

http://www.metro.net/index.asp

http://www.taptogo.net/

This is not like me

I normally don't have strange things to write about. My life is pretty much oh-hum and mundane by all accounts. So what happened to me this morning I found to be funny and not like me. It left me in pain and with a mess to clean up.

I was on my laptop checking whatever I check on a Sunday morning and I realized I heard my stomach grinding so I decided to make myself breakfast. I fried two eggs in oil and made toast, cut two slices of tomato. I created my open faced eggs and tomato on toast, positioning the eggs on top of the slices of tomato instead of the other way around like I normally do, placed it on a napkin and moved back into the bedroom where the TV was on and I was intending on doing my taxes. I sat down and had maybe two bites of my sandwich when the hot eggs slid off of the top of the toast and on top my left foot. The eggs were still pretty hot and my foot at the insole began to burn. A few choice interjections later and I'm scooping up the broken egg off of my foot, my bedspread and then I move all the mess back into the kitchen while hobbling on my one burnt foot. I wipes off the oil and egg from my foot, ate the toast with the tomatoes and threw away the eggs knowing it had too much cat fur upon it. I drank a glass of orange juice and then went back into the bedroom.

Now, as I'm gathering my information to prepare my tax return, my foot is in pain and atleast I'm not as hungry as I was before.

Some Saturday Nights I Won't Give Up

Elton John once wrote a song about Saturday night. It was set in a bar and he was blowing off steam, I guess. I had that same opportunity this past Saturday night, but I decided to pass. There was a big ole karaoke happening at Alex's Bar in Long Beach and I could of gone, but I wasn't feeling it. I stayed home and made meatloaf and green beans with bacon for dinner instead. I also decided to pass up the opportunity to date a man freshly retired from the Marines. He decided I wasn't even good enough the way I was for him and immediately began to talk about changing me. And that turned me off about him. Just because your life changed 100% doesn't mean mine needs to. Glad you made it to Long Beach and have a nice life.

Happy New Year!

It's 6:30AM and I'm up watching KTLA channel 5 in Los Angeles in HD in my warm bed waiting for the Pasadena Tournament of Roses Parade to start. I already watched the rerun of the 2009 parade this morning and now the preview of this year's parade is on.

The nice part about working for a financial institution is having the day off.

Later this evening, I'll be going to a bbq joint in Corona to watch a friend's band.