Match.com 2013 Update

Today I've completed my fourth month on Match.com and just last weekend was my first date with a guy who's very much like me which is cool. We went to the Peterson Automotive Museum and then to lunch.

Last night, I logged in to see if I had any responses and check on my six month guaranty to find that I was 3 emails and one day away from missing the cut.

So talking about this at lunch today, my cheapskate lunch date made it a point to say in an indirect way that if I'm paying for this service (or otherwise don't waste your money), why not take advantage of it and made me promise to send three emails. I did it. I did it just so I can have the opportunity to get my money back.

Match.com 2013 Update

I'm on the third month of my Match.com membership and I decided I had to update the zip code and mileage range on my profile because I'm getting too many responses from...(wait for it) Beverly Hills. It seems some men don't even bother to read the fact that I wrote my geographic dating range is between work - El Segundo and home and BH is nowhere near my normal route. Do you know when the last time I was in Beverly Hills? It was so long ago, I couldn't even tell you because I don't remember either. Maybe before 2000 for an IRC picnic meet? I may gave driven through to get to somewhere else like my friend Mimi's house, but even that was in 2006? Yeah, so I don't see myself traversing all over LA county for a relationship. Oh, and speaking of which, my cheapskate lunch's suggestion was a bust because his broker friend got married 9 years ago. Nice.

Match.com 2013

A new year and a new love. That's what I posted on my Match.com profile headline. I'm paid up for six months. I'm a good person and I deserve more than just the errant bootie call. I deserve a relationship. My in box is flooded with emails every day and I've had over

Today it's Jan 12th, and so far I've talked to one guy on the phone who decided he only wants to date women in the city he lives in, and instant messaged with another guy who turned into a ghost a day later.

Then at work yesterday, I mentioned to my cheapskate lunch date I was on match.com and he said something about fixing me up with one of his broker friends... who is funny and short like me. Hrmmm.

O.K., guys are weird

I went out on a dinner date maybe 3-4 weeks ago with an Irish man. I thought everything went well, and then he put me on radio silence. It turns out he was in the hospital and the doctor's are trying to figure our what is wrong with him.  Maybe Epstein-Barr ( hope it's not mono), maybe Lupus.

Now what do I do? Damn. And then I got to thinking, why do guys date when they are thinking or planning on moving? Does this make sense? I mean, are they thinking if it doesn't work out, I'm moving anyway so I won't have to see/deal with her? O.K, guys are weird.

Dating Sucks, Part 2,364

Two weekends ago, I went out on another date. This one was a coffee date, too, but it ended up being a late lunch as well. He's a few years older than me, a plumber. There wasn't anything particularly offensive about him, but he seems to be a little rough around the edges and maybe lacks some of the social graces. Like using a napkin on his lap when he eats. If you're not taught or even care about whats right, wrong or the expected behavior, then how do you know?

Anyway, I'm getting a bunch of disconnects between his photo, what his writes and then with the way he communicates with me on the phone. These things are not consistent with this man. And then he made an appointment with me last Saturday to fix a laundry room plumbing problem, but conveniently forgot about it and later told he he decided to go snowboarding with his nephew instead. After, he said he was not in contact via email because his cell phone went dead after his car hit a boulder and busted his oil pan and a piece of his suspension.

His drama is not attractive. Maybe that's just my gut feeling trying to tell me "El Flake-o" and move on. He said he would call yesterday, but he didn't. I'm on radio silence.

Dating Sucks

I am a 45 yo single white female in the dating scene once again because I'm bored to hell with my life as I know it. I've thrown caution to the wind and made up a profile on POF.com. I've had one date. I chose him. And this has again proven to me that I constantly and consistently choose bad. Let's say "God of the Geeks" had a back story that you could use to write a sitcom and leave it at that. Three hours later and a maybe a handful of emails over the following few days convinced me that his schedule to fit me into his life was cramping mine and then I told him, "I don't think this is gonna work". Next!

Drama

I'm not sure what's worse - the drama that we carry inside ourselves or the unresolved drama in life that effects those around us. Maybe it's a combination of both to some degree.

Version 1:

It's easy enough to find unhappy men. Men unhappy in their marriage, in their unfulfilled career aspirations, in themselves. I guess what's hard is to find the courage inside to move forward and not dwell for too long on the stuff that depresses you. But how long is too long? When the inevitable conclusion is staring you in the face, does delaying the issue make it any less painful?

I've come to the conclusion that the man I've been dating since 8/13 has become a curmudgeon way before his time. I recognize now that he's been on the autobahn to this attitude because he has low self-esteem and that is something I find harder to deal with than his self-absorbed, crabby, opinionated ways. Add to his cocktail a set of health problems he's waking up to and it makes him seem more like a man who's approaching retirement instead of the age of 41 years he actually is.

Rules are for games. And I felt like a looser in the game of life where he carried the rule book. I was sad for about 5 minutes. I know I was stupid to get involved with a man in who was still breaking up with his wife after almost four years of continued co-habitation.

I took the long way home in Friday night traffic from LA. I watched the harvest moon follow me home. This is the first Friday night I've been home in 7 weeks.

Version 2:

My sexual prowess in bed was compared in contrast to a fat, loud, lying cancer infected alpha female diagnosed as clinically bi-polar who took medication in amounts considered overdosing to most. It's always an ego boost when someone under psychiatric care says fucking a crazy person on a mood swing was better than fucking you. Moron.

The fan must be on. The window must be open. There must be at least two comforters or three or more pillows on the bed at all times in all seasons. The door must be closed. The lights must be on and "without candlelight, I don't feel like I can get in the mood". These are the rules I had to play by in order to deal with  an ADD/OCD/diabetic man in bed. I closed that play book. I shut the door. I walked away barely shedding a tear.

Version 3:

He eats and he eats and he eats and then he drink and he drink and he drinks. His consumption is out of control and it's due to his diabetes and not much more. He's waking up to the fact that everything he knows is wrong, everything he thought was true is now false and you cannot live life without consequences. It's not a time to start a relationship. I can't fix him nor was I out to in the first place. I only showed him that dietary dilligence allows you to feel better one meal at a time, one day at a time. And now it's time to move on.

Version 4:

When someone from a website I contribute reviews to posed the question, "Any racial preferences?" I almost wrote, "Race isn't as important as employed non-alcoholic, not married and not having to take any mood stablizing drugs in order to function in society." That would have been the cruel, honest facts I was dealing with. Shit, what a walking mess of a man. And that's not even the half of it.

The detours of life

It's the end of summer and a few days away from Labor Day weekend. It was hardly a summer at all. No sweltering, sweaty days and balmy nights in 2010, my friend. It's my opinion volcanic ash is preventing that from happening for awhile. I just wonder what's in store for winter. The warmest winter ever perhaps?

I went to the Pasadena Jazz & Blues Fest for a good chunk of the day last Saturday which was about the most summery thing I've done to date besides maybe BBQ.

I'm in Santa Monica again. And I say "again" within the notion that I was here before for love and now, yes, again, I think. The last time was about 15 years ago.

All this getting to know each other better business has been pretty smooth, really. Surprisingly smooth. I guess part of that is with age comes wisdom. Mostly is compatibility which was very hard for me to to find. But then he found me when I was looking elsewhere. It's almost a relief to find someone who mostly thinks about things in a similarity vein as I do. We are not very careful with our words with each other and most of the time that's o.k., too.

As I'm writing this blog entry, he's over to my left beyond the keyboard serenading me, sort of, playing licks on his Ibanez. Coincidentally, I also own an Ibanez, but when I play it doesn't sound anything like what comes out of his amp. Listening to him play makes me want to trade to get a bass.

Bleak

It's not the most wonderful time of the year. It's the bleak dating season. Ever since November hit, no man is choosing to communicate with me. ACK. I know it's the holidays that's doing it and it will probably continue like this until Christmas is over. Why? There's nothing worse than having to spend time with someone you don't like all that much or even to have to buy a present for them. Yeah, I get that. And then once NYE rolls around, it's you're choice to either sleep through it or share it with someone.What am I feeling now? Just cold and lonely, but I won't settle for anything less than someone who is worthy of my love and affections. So stop messaging me Spaniard. It just ain't gonna happen. Nor with your freaky footie friend either.

I don't know

The Spaniard got in contact with me after almost 2 years had passed. I don't know why guys contact me after years for sex. It kinda bothers me. Why? Because I rather be in a relationship to get sex regularly than to go through all the trouble of finding a great partner every time I want it. I know, I know... I have to find the great sex partner before I can have he relationship I want, but then I keep finding guys with excuses and I really hate excuses.

Married, separated, working hours, distance, kids, family. Life gets in the way. One of these days the stars will align and it will happen. I feel it.

Last weeks date was OK, but he was a workaholic with control issues. The guy was telling me he was active and went to the gym 2-3 times a week but he had a gut and generally looked out of shape. When I got to the coffee shop, I didn't wait and bought myself a soy late soon after I arrived and didn't wait for him at the front of the shop. 30-60 minutes later, (because I checked the time on my cellphone out of boredom. I know- bad) after discussing appreciation of cars, his business, my unemployment, music, food, and Yelp.com after taking notes on the coffee shop we met at, he invited me to Lawry's Carvery for dinner. The half of a french dip sandwich I ate was undercooked and made me sick. I went to the bathroom and he bailed saying his neighbors said he needed to pick up a key and he'd call in a few days. When things get tough, do I want a guy who can't handle it? No! And I read his excuse to leave as "kiss off". There was little chemistry due to his inflated ego and I didn't really find him attractive. And he didn't call me again nor am I going to pick up the phone to call him either. Bye-bye.

Life Goes On

I had a first date last night with a guy named Ron from Costa Mesa. It was the first date (as a result of my membership on plentyoffish.com) I've had in a while since I was spooked by that sadomasochist in MV (from okcupid.com - another free dating website I'm no longer on). We went to a local coffee shop, but not Starbuck's. All of my Starbuck's dates in the past had been disasters. I didn't want that stigma bouncing around in my head, so a day before, I changed the venue he had me pick.

The coffee shop was fun and the date was fine, but a little awkward in places which I'd say was pretty normal as far as first dates go. We sat there talking and drinking at the coffee shop and I thought everything was going OK, when he asked me to go to dinner at SCP. OK, I'm game. We take both cars it's maybe a little over a mile away. He took off before me and I get caught in the light signals. He thinks I've ditched him - not true. So I walk up and he's on his phone. He says he's calling me, but my phone never rings. Hrmm.

Eat dinner and the french dip was a little too undercooked and it went right through me, so I excuse myself to go to the bathroom. He said he would wait. I know I took longer than I should and I felt bad about it. I bet he thinks I snuck out the back door. When I get back to the table, he's gone. Seconds roll by and he calls while I'm composing a text message and he says his neighbors called him to pick up their house key. Ehy? Maybe that was his way of getting out of saying goodbye and he set up the call while I was walking up in the parking lot. By now, it's between 8:30 and 9PM when the mall closes. I gave him my card earlier and he said he'd call in a few days. I don't know... I just don't know. Strong beginning, OK middle, weak finish to this date. Jesus... how much roast beef did I actually have between my teeth? LOL.

Friday night = Date night

I decided that in life, I've finally come to the conclusion that you've got 50/50 odds of things either turning out well or not when you date. I found a guy online that seemed to be on the same page as me for a change. We chit-chatted online a bit for a week or so and things seemed to go well, so I asked him to meet me in a public place and he agreed. I previously participated in a sing-along under the same 'Active Arts' program and found out there was to be this public dance to learn the New York hustle at the Music Center Plaza in downtown Los Angeles on Friday night and the event was at a time that did not conflict with me schedule, it sounded fun and I really didn't want to go alone, so I asked him. And he said 'yes'. The dance turned out to be a dud. Too many single women on the designated roped off dance area and the band wasn't that good, so while we were talking, I saw there was a bar and grill off to the side at the same location and suggested we go there to sit and talk. I ordered the fish and he wasn't so hungry and ordered the chicken satay and we both ordered a Sierra Nevada Pale Ale to drink. The beer was heavier than I like, but the fish dish was O.K. He ordered the chicken satay, but it was spicier than he liked. He's a really funny guy and he's got a lot going on as he's in the process of taking back his life and learning a new job. But somehow I don't think I'll be seeing him again soon because of his impending divorce and due to the fact that he said he's interested in moving back to Pasadena instead of staying where he is now. And both places are, in all honesty, geographically undesirable to me. We'll see.

So Not "The One"

Sadomasochistic. I dated a man recently who exhibited this trait but was in denial it was what it was and I had to stop because his style of sexual talk creeped me out to the point where it left me feeling paranoid instead of an object of his love and affection. I thought that there wasn't enough trust and too much risk involved to my personal safety that I could bear and I couldn't allow that line to be crossed. After numerous sessions of hours of verbal foreplay and continual miscommunication about meeting up over a two month period, my hope for any type of healthy relationship with him died. His choice of verbiage was frequently repulsive and violent.

The three dates we had in the beginning were normal, nice and fine. But after that, I felt an increasing amount of pressure from him to hide the fact that we were involved and I won't be put into that situation. I'm a 43 year old grown woman and I see no need to "sneak around." I just don't feel the need to be devious. Life is too short. But now knowing what he has to hide, if I were him, I wouldn't want my kids to know either. Treating women like he wants to is not a lesson I'd be proud to pass down from father to son.

I feel sorry for any woman who gets into a dominating relationship such as he desires. Sadly, I wouldn't be surprised to hear his name on the evening news one day as a rape suspect. And he picked 'me' from am online dating website. Knowing that these kinds of men would maybe target me has shaken my confidence in dating....and he called *me* quirky.

He pushed me aside before he pushed me aside.

I went on a date Thursday night right after work with a man who, in hindsight, if I knew the details of his life, such as his impending divorce (red flag) and difficult child custody schedule (red flag) or health issues, I would of never went out with him in the first place. Bad move #1 was he manhandled me to order his smoothie (red flag). No, I take that back. It was when he sent me a text me saying, "If you still want to meet with me, let me know." (red flag). More shocking to my senses was that he was a highly educated man too ashamed to admit his own reality unless I questioned him on it (red flag) and then I got an earful for two hours (red flag). I emailed him telling him, "I think you're looking for someone to talk to" I mean, especially since he said he wasn't looking for sex immediately and then he replies back he's not looking for someone to talk to (red flag). Whatever. Seems to me he doesn't know what he wants but it surely wasn't me. Next...

Super Bowl 43

I had the pleasure of watching the Super Bowl this year with a professional football coach. Oh yeah, even his email address says he's a coach. It was a kick to hear him call out the plays before the commentators did. We ate homemade guacamole and drank mimosas throughout the game. I also got to talk to him about all that is going on in his life and remodeling my home. I normally don't like sales people, but he turned out to be not as obnoxious as I thought he'd be. Would I see him again? Probably not because of "GU"... geographically undesirable or in other words. lives to damned far away. NEXT!

I - Me - My

A friend pointed out that my ex-bf was a form of narcissist and it struck a chord with me. I have actually dated a number of different men who fit this profile. Could I be a male narcissist magnet?

One incessantly discussed what he does and what he likes as well as what he liked and did, promptly announced his departure and left the scene. It was almost humorous when I started to talk about my work as he nodded off immediately before his departure. See ya, dude!

One talked about how he felt he should have been born long ago in an era when things were simpler. A tinkerer and trying to deengineer things. These are the men that will spend hours upon untold hours dealing with things that don't mean much to anyone else but them. They are less harmless, but still egocentric.

The third one recognized he was lonely in his self-fulfilled world and 'wanted to share his good fortune and his life with someone special'. Dear God, if you see this phrase anywhere online in a dating profile, save yourself the heartache... just close it and go to the next one. This one is disguised as self-cented work-aholic and you will spend many lonely nights waiting for him to find time for you that rarely comes. Good luck.

And yet another was all about how great he is, what his feelings were and what he wanted and how it was your job to fulfill him because you're the girl de jour. Oh, brother. Needy needy needy!

So what did they have in common? Educated professionals respected in their field and appeared to be able to function within society, but could not seem to sustain normal relations with a female. They are interesting to talk to initially, possibly even entertaining, so you engage them. I really wonder how they grow into being this way. Are these men looking ultimately for a nurturing mother figure... a relationship they did not get from their own mother as children? Or are they so highly prized in their own little heads from the BS that everyone feeds them that they think no one woman is ever truly perfect and they continue a fruitless search for someone who doesn't exist. It's sad really.

130 Days

This is the letter I wrote in response to being dumped on voicemail after the holidays. The lesson I learned dating this guy is listen to your gut feeling and don't let things drag on longer than they need to. There are bigger, better and more fish in the sea.

**********************************************************************************


I don’t imagine you will read this email at all. You’ll probably delete it to spare your feelings and diminish mine because that’s just the way you are with your ego. But if you do find the courage to read this, I have to tell you I’m sorry for getting so involved so fast if at all. Having a relationship with you seemed promising, but it just was not in the cards. Your life simply has very little room in it for me and I allowed my involvement to go on far too long.

My roughly 130 day relationship with you was punctuated in the beginning with the death of your neighbor and you calling me about every ten minutes while I was dealing with a business client and then the death of your guinea pig. I watched you coil into a fetal position and cry “your mom and everyone only wants you for your how much money you can make for them”, after the animal died which was clearly not the case with me because I could care less how well-off you think you are. I’ve dated men richer than you and I’ve dated men poorer than me and as long as they can pay their bills and I’m not paying for them all the time, I really don’t care what you make. And in the end with the announcement of your father’s heart attack, probably awaking the feelings of your own mortality more than ever because you talked about giving my son your personal property?, as well as the death of your cousin, which you didn’t even bother to tell me about until you were almost on your way home but conveniently got stuck in Seattle over New Years Eve and then we had that mishap with the airport. I mean, I called you and even texted you, too, for three hours while I waited for you to land, but you ignored me and never replied. You said you’d call when you got to the airport and you never did.

In between was approximately 12 days of you and me in bed and/or on dinner dates, one dedication ceremony for work and a few times at the lake. All the rest of the time, you seemed to be busy and working, exhausted, sick and even in the hospital and if you had the time, you weren’t interested in what I wanted to do. For instance, when I told you I thought It would be cool for us to go and kayak on the Newport Back Bay after watching a show on PBS, you thought it would be funny to run the jet ski through it and my idea was never brought up again. When you put parameters around me talking to you on the phone (remember when you said, “I talk all day on the phone at work so I don’t want to spend a lot of time talking to you on the phone, I rather talk to you in person”), to use a baseball analogy… was strike one. In person, exhausted from your long work day you wanted to eat then frequently fell asleep on the couch or in the club chair. Keeping the schedule that you do, whatever it is you make up for yourself, must be maintained for the benefit of the project and I understand that. With it out of control, it also wears on your health and runs you into the ground so much so you have no time or energy for me. Although there were other glaring instances I could mention, strike two was the three times I invited you to dinner either out or at my house thinking that you not having to cooking would be less of a strain on you but you didn’t even acknowledge that. I guess my choices are not good enough for you, so they were dismissed. No one had ever died from my cooking and my friends seem to like the places I eat out at, so maybe that was just your own personal hang-up.

The third strike was the level of communication you had with me versus your construction friends. It was clearly different… like when you slipped and said you told one of then that ‘she likes to fuck, she’d never say no to that’ or how you said that you couldn’t wait to tell them and so they would laugh their head off about me yelling ‘no’ a million times on the back of the jet ski, something I had never did before in my life and was absolutely terrified about because I’m not a fan of deep water. It wasn’t funny, it was cruel. Or the email you sent bout how stockbrokers should jump out of the windows of the NYSE because the market got so bad due to the housing crisis. You knew I worked in the financial field for years and I felt that was totally insensitive of you. I can only imagine what else you told them about making me out to be the butt of your jokes.

I’m not going to even get into your random acts of drunkenness, public or otherwise. You know what those were because even you said you drink too much and it’s because of the stress level you deal with at work. That moment of personal clarity and your ability to self-correct on that one element gave me a glimmer of hope things might get better about the other aspects of your life, too, but I guess that was too much to wish for. Oh yeah, you’re scratchy eyes were caused by you drinking too much wine all the time – nothing more and nothing less. Your eyes need to be hydrated with something other than wine, so on a wine drinking binge when your liver and kidneys get overloaded with it, that’s what happens – that sand in your eyes feeling. That and the onset of adult acne. Now I understand part of the reason what the witch hazel was used for.

But to top it off, the holiday season, November and December, was the worst and it was the most lonely and depressing time for me ever. On Thanksgiving, you were sick yet again and so into your own incapacity, you never picked up the phone when I called and then failed to call me and let me know you having my son and I over for Thanksgiving dinner was cancelled. When I showed up on your doorstep, I’m sorry I even gave my son the opportunity to shake your hand because up until that point he thought you were just a figment of my imagination when I talked about you. I ended up salvaging the meal and we had turkey after all that weekend, but you never bothered to ask what I did or to reschedule. After that, we never seemed to get back on track. I put together a gift basket for you for Christmas of Asian food from your favorite store and two different cook books with the thought that you enjoy cooking so much, told you I wanted to deliver it, but you never found the time to accept it in person. I just left it on your doorstep and you didn’t even bother to say ‘thank you’ later.

The last time I talked to you on the phone, and I had not seen you in 5 weeks by then, you informed me that it was my job to interrogate you so that I could learn the details of what is going on in your life. I stood there dumbfounded because, hey, isn’t sharing your feelings and the details of your life however mundane they may be just simple human communication?

You have been through some of the most stressful times in your life since we met in August and it took its toll on whatever relationship was eked out in between. Thanks for leaving me a message on voicemail that you are not going to be calling me anymore.

Date Night #2

When Friday, August 29th
Where: Dinner at Yen Ching in Orange
What: Chinese Food! Yipee!

Fridays. You know I love them. They lead to the weekend and that is all about me and my time. What I don't love is the Friday night traffic between Simi Valley and home. Lucky for me, the office closed early in anticipation of the three day weekend, so I got out at about 3:40PM. Robert wanted to have me over for dinner Friday night. O.K., but recognize I went straight from work to his house and:

1) I was in work clothes
2) I might not have been in the best of moods because of the length of time it took me sitting in a car in traffic to travel back into Orange County
3) I'd rather go home and freshen up, change the frock, dump the electronics and then go to dinner.

...but I decide to run with it anyway. He didn't care that I only have work clothes with me. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing at this point, but I do think he wanted me to at least come over soon, so that was cool. That will teach me to pack a bag with a change of clothes for both situations - work and play for Friday's.

I landed in Orange to find no parking and was told to park in front of his garage. O.K., and then I had to haul my heavy ass electronics briefcase upstairs with me because like hell if I was going to leave it in my car at night. That is just an invitation for trouble. He greets me with an sour apple martini at the door? Sweet. Now I'm thinking he wants to get me drunk, but no - he uses alcohol to relax as most men do. I get to sit just long enough to drink my martini when he like said to me, "I'm hungry - let's go".

The place was right around the corner... so close, we totally did not have to drive there. We were looking at almost the same things on the menu - shrimp in lobster sauce and then I got shredded pork with vegetables. He wanted hot and sour and I wanted egg drop so we got that. To drink, he ordered wine and I didn't want to mix it up with my martini and get sick later, so I ordered a water with lemon. Later, the waitress brought by a vegetable rolled thing with plum sauce. I thought it tasted like chocolate hazelnut and very sweet. Robert tried a bite of mine just to see what the hell it was because he doesn't like sweets. It was O.K., but just different and not what I ordered.

So the waitress was being very personable and after she delivered the wine asked us if we were married or a couple. And we both turned to each other and gave this look and smiled. Awh. No, it's actually date #2 Robert said. And she said we'd make a cute couple. By now I'm think he slipped her a $20 in the back when he went to the bathroom or was working real hard for a good tip. HAHA, so I sip on my water and Robert ends up finishing the bottle of wine - oops... must of been a bad week at work and he's toast. I didn't drink at dinner and I told him I would drive him in his truck home. I have drove a big truck before because I inherited my dad's Dodge Ram and so his 750 horsepower Ford no problem. And it's got stepsides for me!

The waitress was so nice - the bill was $75!! Dang, I haven't been to a meal that pricey since sushi. And we walk out with two heaping bags of food to take home because you know I eat like a bird (one plate of chinese food with one cup of rice).

I'd get take out next time to see if it's any cheaper getting food there that way.
We ended up both falling asleep on the couch watching T.V. happy and full of chinese food...

6 Things Not To Do

In life, there are consequence for you actions.

On Match.com, I have posted my profile, subscribed for three months and now I also get these 'matches by mail' so a few times a week maybe, I get an email with a list of men with photos who supposedly, in match.com's view, match me.

Sometimes, I have to laugh because:

1) They keep sending me men who want kids and I'm done with that phase of my life. My son is 21 and at age 42, I don't see myself being a mother again at this stage in my life. I don't mind if they have teenagers to college age offspring like me, but a new baby? No, not for me. Takes up too much time, money and energy to raise a child well and I should know being a single parent.

2) Men who post a photo in a hat and sunglasses will not get my attention. That says to me you were having fun in the sun with someone you probably dated who cared enough about you at the time to snap a photo of you, and then she shared said photo with you which reminds you of the good times you had with her, but now she is gone from your life as well as conveniently 'cropped out of the picture' and you are now looking a good time with me? Err, auhh, no.

Not to mention that I want to see a full facial expression in a mug shot. I've got to be attracted to you in order to initiate communication and I do not get that opportunity when you're all covered up in a hat and sunglasses. Just stop that. Stick to the smiling mug shot, please.

3) Same thing goes for men who post vacation photos as a part of their profile. Keep those for your own personal photo albums and don't bother to post them onto your profile fellas, and here's why. A trip you took in the past with another woman is no guarantee you will ever go there again nor does it represent having any sort of fun there with me in the future. It's your history with her and you can keep that to yourself.

4) I don't look my age, so it's one of the reasons I don't date men who are more than a few years older than me. If match.com could actually match me to a guy who was -5 to +2 my age and we had something, anything in common, and I was attracted to him as well, that would be nice. So no more 50+ year olds because I'm nobodies 'hot young thang' anymore and I don't care if they are +80 percent my match. Ain't gonna happen!

As well as the fact that I find hard to connect to a man who is telling me about their grand kids, AHH! (That actually happened on eharmony.com, so I don't use that service anymore. OMG, What were they thinking?!?)

5) Don't bother to post a brief general description of what "an active, women who enjoys the outdoors" you want without the specifics of who you want known on your section choices. This says "bootie call" all over it. Don't waste my time - I'm trying to meet my match here! Go to adultfriendfinder.com or the 'misc romance' section of craigslist.org if you want to get your freak on quick and nasty. I'm looking for something a little deeper, thank you.

6) When I see a profile that says 'separated', it really makes me wonder if you're lying to me and what truly is going on in your life right now. Don't lie about your marital status. If you're unhappy in your relationship with your wife/girlfriend, don't take your pent-up sexual frustrations out on an unsuspecting female on a dating site, for God's sake. Karma is a bitch and your ill will upon women will come back around to wreak havoc in your life and then you'll be sitting there sad and lonely wondering why no one wants to date your silly ass. No one loves a lier. It gets old real quick, not to mention trust or the lack thereof is the #1 relationship killer, right above communication, so just don' do it.