Christ, January is almost over...Happy 2019

I had to work on December 31st, so last year's New Year's Eve was a non-event. The closest I got to a celebratory mood was saying to my staff "Happy New Year" as we all exited the building at 11:30PM. I worked so hard in January that when MLK Day rolled around, I didn't even recognize it as a day I got off work for a hot minute.

I bought rocks for painting and a new rosemary plant to replace the last one that I had for years. I'm going to plant that in the one medium planter/pot and the other with basil. Or maybe I'll move the onions into a pot this year. Last year's cherry tomato self-seeded and I currently have a hedge of chinka cherry tomatoes. It's spectacular. Best this plant has ever looked.

I decided this Spring is the time to go get my mortgage refi in order. I need to get the place all spiffy before the appraiser gets here. So I'm doing things like completing the LVP floor project for the two closets that I didn't do. FINALLY painting my bathroom. Throwing away the broken cheap ass mirror over the sofa and putting up a more stylish one I found at Target with a shelf. Have to paint the living room and the kitchen. All of this so I can get a chunk of the equity out of my home to get two windows, two patio sliders installed, maybe a new kitchen and bath remodels and pay off some bills. But because we've lived here since 1999, it's a cluttered mess. Not packrat, hoarder type piles, just little piles of stuff that need to go be donated, better organized if it's going to stay or put away.

The idea to get all this stuff done in a reasonable amount of time for this professed procrastinator is a simple one. I know I'll be financially in a better place and I'm using the following to keep me on track and motivated each day:

> Clean one thing;
> Fix one thing;
> Put away or organize one thing; and
> Donate one thing I don't need or want anymore.

Stephen's closet took 3 days for the floor during the week and yesterday, I went to Home Depot and bought the baseboard moulding. After I made my purchase, and with the molding in my hands on the way to the car. some random guy was laughing at me in the parking lot about getting that moulding home. Umm, yeah, 9 ft of moulding fits in my car with the back passenger seat down, thankyouverymuch. That's why I cut it that length. Jerk.

The fig tree that once seemed like a miracle when it popped up growing in my #1 raised planter box is now a nuisance. Between Winter, the rain and the wind, it looks like shit and from what I read it takes a year to get figs from it if the birds and rats don't get them first. At one point I saw two on there, but that was months ago and I didn't attend to the fruit to keep it for myself I mean atleast grow it because I can't eat seeds anymore. So really what's the point of keeping the fig tree, right? So I'm planning on cutting it down and/or digging it out.

Job Progress Report 3/16

I'm two weeks into a contractor position and I'm loving it. I'm back in to file room operations and supervision. The big project drops in another two weeks. It's what I was hired for and they allowed me to start early during to ramp up.

Earlier this year, a colleague reminded me that one of my goals was to become the county recorder. Isn't it interesting that others sometimes hold you more accountable than maybe you do yourself.

A great article about foreclosure and how it effected one family in Southern California...

A great article about foreclosure and how it effected one family in Southern California...

The Never Ending Foreclosure

And then I was thinking... 02/16/16

They say the essentials we all need are food, shelter and clothing. [...and then the government taxes us for what they provide while we provide some sort of existence/life for our ourselves and our families. Paid taxes in 2015 for the first time in a while.]

But as I was walking back to my home after driving home from work, it hit me that these things are driven by money, emotions, and comfort.

One's ability to earn enough money could either raise or lower the emotional state resulting in a level of comfort in life. Personality and education back it up. Health, whether it be physical or mental is controllable to a certain extent, but for the most part, your health outcome is in the genes you get from your parents. You get what you get healthwise, from genetics, unless you smoke, drink, or take/abuse drugs and food and don't choose to move your body in vigorus ways to help build muscle and remove the toxins then the results or the lack thereof - you did to yourself and your genes did it to you. [Yes, I have Crohn's disease, but changing jobs has changed my commute and my stress level is down due to less of a commute, up to new surrounding and standards to get re-acquainted with on job tasks I'm already familiar with and working for a manager that actually cares to manage, but change is good.]

And then I was thinking, that,  "Isn't it enough to be a good person?" ...as I drive home on the "freeway" in this car, with this amazing horsepower as I grasp the steering wheel, this conveyance I'm seated in, that others, too, are seated in as we travel to our destinations and in my mind's eye/imagination- the exterior of the cars melted away and all people commuting on the freeway were seated floating in a dimly glowing interior blue light with powertrain and frame assuming the driving position with hands on their steering wheels, no upholstery with tires-this technology that really hasn't changed all that much in over 100 years [but to make it faster, safer, use less gas, or another fuel, but really at what cost to our environment if the power to make that alternate fuel was derived from fossil fuel?] and when we as humans end up using up all of the fossil fuels this world has, would we then need to worry about the need to expand our roadways or instead how they scarred the earth, contributed to global warming and how they'll need to be deconstructed?

No, it's not enough to be a good person if you're not exhibiting that goodness for someone else other than yourself to recognize, witness and benefit from. Hence we reward the leaders in their field - whatever they may be and punish those who don't meet society's expectations of what is good and right and true and sometimes - most of the time - logical.

If people were forced to work and live only within the areas that their feet could carry them, how many could? Could one's life be richer and still not have to worry financially?

And to think the fact that management tools are being rolled out to my team tomorrow. And I'm so excited, I can't sleep.

According to Jim

So I got a call from a former client to discuss some future business as he was told to call this week because of impending June vacations for the people he needed to speak to, including me.

As the conversation went, he asked me how was my vacation and I told him about how this year I worked on my floor instead of taking a trip. And he said that he, too, was in the middle of a flooring project. I am my father's daughter. We were comparing experiences with our fathers, tools, father's job... they were both machinists. 

Anyway, with all of the disparaging feelings I was having about things that are basically out of my control, that one conversation was the bright light I needed today. So according to Jim, I'm OK and knowing that was reassuring.  

It's June!

Last year, I was fully expecting that now I'd be recovering from my third major surgery battling Crohn's disease, but the medication the GI doctor prescribed has helped and gave me a tool to use when I'm feeling bad. After having a colonoscopy and finding out that the pain I was experiencing was from an ulcer instead of advanced Crohn's, I decided that it's probably a better idea for me to focus on doing things that make me feel well, eating well and de-stressing my life.

So part of that de-stressing regime has been looking for a job closer to home. I like driving, but having to drive in LA traffic to and from work four days a week (Monday's I work remotely from Brea) is a time waster and it's frustrating when it doesn't keep moving. I live 42 miles from work. In no traffic, it takes me 35 minutes to get to work. But in traffic, it can take anywhere from 1-2 hours to get to work. And, yes, I've tried rideshare commuting, but to be honest, it doesn't make that much difference in LA traffic. The solution is working closer to home. Immediately when I started to look for a new job, there were two different MERS positions that were posted and I got a telephone interview for the one I applied to, but found out that they couldn't meet my salary requirements. So I'm still looking.

Once the senior on my team came back to work after she had recovered from surgery, I scheduled my two week vacation. Last year, for vacation, I flew to DC and stayed with my aunt in VA and while my uncle was in a nursing home recovering from a heart attack. I drove up to Massachusetts and New York to meet up with family among other thing. I accumulated a lot of PTO between then and May planning on that LOA, but I didn't need it, so I had to take a vacation.

So instead of going back to the East coast this year, I'm having a stay-cation for the summer of 2015. The first week, I'm proud to say I did nothing. Absolutely nothing. And it felt good. The second week, I'm attacking the last of the floor project that was so rudely interrupted by December's broken wrist that I got from falling at work. Oh, and by the way, that infatuation for my therapist went absolutely no where. Which I'm kind of glad about because the new normal after menopause has not been any fun either. So I'm moving furniture and prepping the floor tomorrow.

Sadness

The last time I blogged here, little did I know that my Aunt Jane's fight for life was over due to the ravages of diabetes. This is the message I received on Facebook from my cousin Cate...

               "Judi... hopefully this will reach you...Your Aunt Jane has died. She had a stroke a 

                   week and a-half ago and slipped into a coma on the 26th. She was brain dead last

                   Friday (May 3rd), and they removed her feeding tube at that  time. She died 2AM 

                   Wednesday(May 8th)."

This is very much how my father died. And it bothers me that such a little thing as elevated blood sugar can do so much damage to the body. It bothered me so much that I talked to my new doctor when I had my initial consultation after I changed over to Kaiser health insurance. You know what he said after I discussed my family's history diabetes?

                                          "Don't get fat, don't get fat, don't get fat!" 

If it's as simple as that for most American's, why aren't we more vigilant about what we eat and staying active after 40?

When I got back to work after hearing the news, I told my manager who then said that I've got to go back to New York for the funeral and out of my mouth came, "It's my family, I've got to." After all, Aunt Jane made the effort to come to my mom's memorial, so I had to attend hers.

I flew into Newark Airport (EWR) on Sunday. It took two hours driving in the dark to get to Poughkeepsie. On Monday, I drove up to Red Hook to visit my mom's/grandparent's grave site and pulled the vines off of the headstones. I thought about collecting more photos of headstones, but I really wasn't into it on that day, so I left my camera in the car and headed back to the hotel, but not before going to the grocery store for provisions.

Tuesday was the funeral. I stayed downtown, so the funeral home wasn't too far from the hotel.  It was very Catholic and with the splashing of the holy water onto the corpse, her priest said a few poignant things plus verses from the Bible and then read what my cousin Tina wrote. After that, whomever wanted to follow the casket in the procession line to the cemetery did so, minding the traffic signals, but still driving behind the hurst with our emergency blinkers on. Aunt Jane is buried with Uncle Frank who passed in 2002 in section 24 in the back rows of St. Peter's Cemetery in Poughkeepsie, NY.

Wayne and Tina arrange for a meal at a local private boating club on the banks of the Hudson River. We stayed and talked a bit, but really I was kind of in a daze from the jet lag and time change

So you found out you're... I know, "Don't remind me."

It took a long time for me to come to terms with the fact that eliminating milk from my diet made me feel better. I discovered it about six months after I moved away from home right out of high school. I began an elimination diet taking out one thing and then adding it back in a month later. Butter was the first thing to go.

I enjoy all different kinds of food and I don't want to feel deprived, so it's not easy. Everyday is a struggle to make good food choices for myself. Eating out has been the biggest challenge. I'm glad I now live in an area where I have access to lots of Asian restaurants and it helps that I actually enjoy that kind of food. Where I grew up, that wasn't the case; a writing sample can be found on Yelp when I wrote about buying a stack of pizzas for the office at Pizza Hut when I worked as a contractor. Farmer's markets have also helped me slow down and plan meals in advance I can make so I don't screw up my diet.

Imagine living in a world where you realize latter your mom is poisoning you a little every day because she fed you something that was known to be a nutritious food and yet your body rejects it and in turn when you complain about a stomach ache, she does nothing. I used to writhe in pain on the bathroom floor after eating cheese, ice cream or drinking milk and when the cool floor tile pressed against my lower belly, I found it was the only thing that eased the pain. It's a wonder I graduated from high school because I was out sick probably for the maximum number of days a kid could be and the majority of the time it was for a stomach ache.

You might have noticed I have a vertical scar that runs from my belly button down to the top of my pelvis. It's not from a C-Section. I've had two major surgeries to remove parts of my intestine because Crohn's Disease runs in my family. At this point, I'm missing about 32 inches of gut so when I have to go to the restroom, the feeling is very intense and I have to go NOW. It's really annoying and depressing to have to know where the restroom is all the time, but I've gotten used to it. The other scar is from having a ruptured appendix which lead to the discovery of the aforementioned disease on December 15, 1985. The second operation on June 22, 2000 left me with surgically induced pernicious anemia so I get a B12 shot once a month. There is also a list of foods that just don't digest well anymore, so I avoid those, too. For example, you won't find me eating a salad made with iceburg lettuce because it works like a laxative on me. On top of it, the disease creates a general malabsorption of vitamins and minerals so a lot of the time, I feel a general malaise and not that energized (hence the state of my condo which I bought in 1999).

The doctors told me because of the scaring inside me from the disease, I might not be able to get pregnant, so when I found my first love/boyfriend in 1986 after living a repressed home life because my mom didn't allow me to date in high school, after being being together for five months, of course I got pregnant and decided to go forward with having a baby knowing the odds that I may not be able to again. I had Stephen in 1987, 4 days after I turned 21.

I had to supplement Stephen with soy formula when he didn't thrive while being breast-fed. It's common for infants to not be able to digest regular cows milk based infant formula and I latter found out that the disease skips a generation in my family, so he thankfully has no issues with dairy, but his kids probably will.

So how do you like me now?

Next time you crave something sweet, my diabetic friend, my advice to you would be, even though at this point it probably goes in one ear and out the other or makes you angry, is to grab some fruit and sugar free Cool-Whip so you don't have to feel so deprived and maybe add just a bit of chocolate shavings on top.

To let know know how much of a food 'nazi' I had to be to keep my own diet on track, during stressful times (especially when I was a contractor) I used to Twitter what I ate daily for all the world to see. Gees, I just realized I have even more food stories to write about... jaundice colored catfish - LOL.

Funky

I've been in a funk lately. I think it's a combination of things that are effecting my moods: my job, turning 44, getting my Crohn's under control, not getting out of life what I thought I wanted in so much as a career goes and being lonely. Social anxiety makes me shy and nervous around groups of unfamiliar people. It's amazing to me that some people that have come to my attention recently are worse off than me financially and still somehow function. I guess I'm at a point where I don't have anything to really live for and the question, "What's next?", is being waved furiously in my face and I'm avoiding the answer for fear of my own disappointment and that feeds my procrastination. I've always been one to do just enough to get by and I've been happy with that, but since now I don't even feel like doing that... funk. Funkity, funk, funk.

New Years Resolutions

I think New Years resolutions are a waste of your time. If you want to make a change, whatever it may be, you are going to do it no matter what time of the year it is. You don't have to wait until January 1st rolls around to get you to make a change. Change ultimately comes from within. When you are ready and willing as well as mentally and physically prepared, and hopefully with a support system in place to reinforce your decision in wanting to change, you will make it happen for yourself.

Everyone is so into the quick fix and the easy way to do things, but I've found that most of the time, you are going to be let down by instant success with little to no effort on your part. It's hollow and it's short lived.

Sometimes, the more difficult road can be the most rewarding.