I have been working away this month trying to make sense of it all. At times, I've felt like I've almost had some sort of ephinany about life and love and loss and just as soon as that enlightened feeling sweeps over me knowing that my future is partially in my hands, my parents did not do the best that they could have raising me, and there is no such thing as the perfect mate, the feeling fades just as fast as it came. I wish I wasn't in the car driving to work when that happens. Or if I were, I wish I had someone to talk to about it. Maybe it's time for therapy.
I wake up at 5AM every weekday morning to get ready and go to work and for awhile now, I don't remember how long, I've been leaving my alarm on for that time to wake up on the weekends, too. Without it, I don't think I would of been able to get to the farmer's market in Irvine before it closed down at Noon. Actually, that's what lead me to seek out a farmer's market closer to work. El Segundo has one on Thursday nights after work so I can't miss it. I buy my bread there from Old Town Bakery. 3 loaves are $10 there, but I fould out today they sell the same in Irvine at 3 for $12.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Saturday, January 8, 2011
In one hand and out the other
On Wednesday, I took time off from work to travel to El Cajon in order to pick-up my mother's remains and the dozen death certificates I paid for. Then, I disposed of her car by selling it to a local wrecking yard for $500. My boss seemed relieved when I told him I don't have to go to El Cajon anymore. I don't remember telling him I still need to travel to upstate New York in the spring in order to bury her ashes at her request. He left me a "deepest sympathies" card on my chair at lunch on Friday. In the AM, he shared a story of his mother's pancreatitus with me and a co-worker.
While driving home to Orange County on Friday night going south on the 405 freeway, my head was compiling the list of things I needed to get done over the weekend when a rapidly repeating bell tone alerted me to the "Service Needed - Stabilitrak" icon lit up on my dashboard. What a way to start a weekend.
After I got home, I checked the web to see how bad the problem could be and found these horror stories of other Equinox owners who said their car wouldn't even start after this service light came on for them. Even though I couldn't make an appointment because the problem occurred after the service department at Guaranty Chevrolet closed at 6PM, I knew after reading other peoples experiences that I must get this problem fix immediately. I mean, I live in Southern California and I can't be without my car.
I arrived at about 8:15AM on Saturday morning without an appointment and Paul wrote up the work order and seeing that the sky looked as though it was going to rain, I said I'd wait for my car. I got bored watching football on tv in their waiting room (not a fan), so I checked out a few of the cars they had in their showroom to kill time. After that, I went and talked to Paul to see where my car was in the process of being repaired.
After waiting about 45 minutes, the mechanic determined that the problem ended up being the failure of the EGR valve (which was kind of no surprise because many of the electronic components in engines these days are interconnected), and they had the kit on hand to fix my '07 Equinox. About a total of two hours waiting and four hundred-something dollars later, my car was fixed, washed (which I didn't ask for), and my keys were handed back to me with a smile.
Money - in one hand and out the other.
While driving home to Orange County on Friday night going south on the 405 freeway, my head was compiling the list of things I needed to get done over the weekend when a rapidly repeating bell tone alerted me to the "Service Needed - Stabilitrak" icon lit up on my dashboard. What a way to start a weekend.
After I got home, I checked the web to see how bad the problem could be and found these horror stories of other Equinox owners who said their car wouldn't even start after this service light came on for them. Even though I couldn't make an appointment because the problem occurred after the service department at Guaranty Chevrolet closed at 6PM, I knew after reading other peoples experiences that I must get this problem fix immediately. I mean, I live in Southern California and I can't be without my car.
I arrived at about 8:15AM on Saturday morning without an appointment and Paul wrote up the work order and seeing that the sky looked as though it was going to rain, I said I'd wait for my car. I got bored watching football on tv in their waiting room (not a fan), so I checked out a few of the cars they had in their showroom to kill time. After that, I went and talked to Paul to see where my car was in the process of being repaired.
After waiting about 45 minutes, the mechanic determined that the problem ended up being the failure of the EGR valve (which was kind of no surprise because many of the electronic components in engines these days are interconnected), and they had the kit on hand to fix my '07 Equinox. About a total of two hours waiting and four hundred-something dollars later, my car was fixed, washed (which I didn't ask for), and my keys were handed back to me with a smile.
Money - in one hand and out the other.
Terrorism
I'm convinced my cat is a part of a terrorist plot against me. I can sit in my computer chair at my computer desk in the living room anytime of the day or night and all of the sudden a fuzzy white cat will appear out of no where on my lap vying for my attention.
Let me remind you that that cat furr and computers do not mix. I especially hate getting it into the nooks of my new HP keyboard or in my ancient Trackman marble mouse.
Let me remind you that that cat furr and computers do not mix. I especially hate getting it into the nooks of my new HP keyboard or in my ancient Trackman marble mouse.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
And so it goes... on and on.
In summary: It took a total of 8 and a half days over a three week period to pack and move 13 years worth of accumulation from an efficiency apartment that was maybe no more than 300 square feet located El Cajon about 100 miles North into a storage unit 10x15 in size in Santa Ana. This occured on December 8-12th, 18th-19th, and 25th-26th. Thanks for fucking up my and Stephen's Christmas, Mom. I'm sure there is more shit coming down the pike from you shortly, I'll just have to discover it first.
On Saturday the 25th, after packing my SUV full of the stuff that didn't make it onto the moving truck the weekend before, I took the long way home from El Cajon in order to visit Stephen's Grandma Linda. After all, it was Christmas.
The 805 North was all clear for me to merge right onto the 15th North, so that was a sign and further impetus that a drive to Lake Elsinore was called for. I got Stephen to call his grandma on my cellphone while I drove to make sure she was home and not visiting other relatives like she infrequently does. Luck would have it, she was home.
Even though Linda is not a relative of mine by marriage, she is a blood relative of my son's and has played the role of family more to me than my own blood relatives have. Family is a strange word to me. Many of my family, especially the men, are estranged. I really can't put my finger on the reason why this fact is the way it is in my family, but it feels weird. Warmth, closeness and communication are generally lacking to me in a family sort of way. Part of the reason this is what it is is due to my mother's purposeful isolation. My 'family'... aunts, uncles, cousins, my cousin's cousins, mostly live on the east coast and some are in the south. When I was pregnant with my son, I'd swear I'd never treat him like my mom treated me.
So visiting Grandma Linda was nice. She fed us dinner...Stephen had homemade chicken enchiladas and I had a turkey pita. Linda used to be a professional cook for local hospitals and the Chino Women's prison for many, many years before she retired, so this woman knows how to feed a crowd. We visited for about four hours and I got updated on Stephen's side of the family. I heard the sad and pathetic story of his cousin Jessica and how my son's father (who is addicted to meth) and his wife were living in a tent by the lake when the lake swelled up with rain and they were flooded out after being evicted from an apartment they were sharing with some other druggies, I'm sure, in Hemet. Blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda. I have no sympathy anymore for a man who treats himself and others with such disrespect. They only time he's paid child support for Stephen was when the money was seized from his bank accounts. When Stephen was growing up, visitations where always at Grandma Linda's where I knew he would be cared for.
Linda made a crazy prediction about how she thought her brother would die next. Ick. I have a dead woman's belongings in my car and she's talking about her brother like that. On the first Thursday of the move, I got to view my own brother's apartment in Escondido for the first time. It's full of comic books in plastic bins which are pretty much junk to me, but a side business to him. And then I pictured me having to deal with all his crap. It's inevitable. His health issues are 2000 times worse than mine.
Anyway, it's New Years day and instead of watching the Rose Parade in an endless loop, I thought I'd suck down some hot black breakfast tea to get my blood flowing and try to stay warm and dole out this blog entry that has been rolling around in my head for a bit. Work has been a bitch to catch up with since I took time off and also went to the doctor for my swollen foot, which turned out to be nothing. Discussing my foot over lunch with my boss, it was a day and a half off of work for the two doctor's appointments, the blood work and the x-rays for him to tell me he doesn't know what's wrong with my foot or how to fix it. That instills in me a hell of a lot of faith in the medical system, she said sarcastically. After talking to my friend Manny about my swollen foot, a 300+lb man who went through his own brand of foot issues, he told me that his dad said your arches start to fall at age 40. Well, shit I'm 44. So, after my last doctor's appointment where I got the news that my blood work came back normal and the x-rays showed nothing and yet I was still dealing with swelling and pain... I drove to CVS and bought some arch supports and placed them into my new sneakers. Funny, my feet haven't hurt much since.
I still need to figure out what to do with my mom's '97 Buick. I'm not confident its in good enough condition to sell. The steering wheel adjustment lever is broke off so the position it's in now is so low to the seat, it's even uncomfortable for me to drive. And I'm not sure if I can jam a flatheat screwdriver in there to such a degree as to adjust the thing either. I already know the a/c is busted. I don't know what mom did with the $1k she borrowed from her sister to get it fixed. And she told me other things are busted on it too... it needs work. I should just get it off of the property and junk it. Save any other seniors in her former complex or anyone else for that matter from having to deal with that shitty vehicle. Stay tuned.
On Saturday the 25th, after packing my SUV full of the stuff that didn't make it onto the moving truck the weekend before, I took the long way home from El Cajon in order to visit Stephen's Grandma Linda. After all, it was Christmas.
The 805 North was all clear for me to merge right onto the 15th North, so that was a sign and further impetus that a drive to Lake Elsinore was called for. I got Stephen to call his grandma on my cellphone while I drove to make sure she was home and not visiting other relatives like she infrequently does. Luck would have it, she was home.
Even though Linda is not a relative of mine by marriage, she is a blood relative of my son's and has played the role of family more to me than my own blood relatives have. Family is a strange word to me. Many of my family, especially the men, are estranged. I really can't put my finger on the reason why this fact is the way it is in my family, but it feels weird. Warmth, closeness and communication are generally lacking to me in a family sort of way. Part of the reason this is what it is is due to my mother's purposeful isolation. My 'family'... aunts, uncles, cousins, my cousin's cousins, mostly live on the east coast and some are in the south. When I was pregnant with my son, I'd swear I'd never treat him like my mom treated me.
So visiting Grandma Linda was nice. She fed us dinner...Stephen had homemade chicken enchiladas and I had a turkey pita. Linda used to be a professional cook for local hospitals and the Chino Women's prison for many, many years before she retired, so this woman knows how to feed a crowd. We visited for about four hours and I got updated on Stephen's side of the family. I heard the sad and pathetic story of his cousin Jessica and how my son's father (who is addicted to meth) and his wife were living in a tent by the lake when the lake swelled up with rain and they were flooded out after being evicted from an apartment they were sharing with some other druggies, I'm sure, in Hemet. Blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda. I have no sympathy anymore for a man who treats himself and others with such disrespect. They only time he's paid child support for Stephen was when the money was seized from his bank accounts. When Stephen was growing up, visitations where always at Grandma Linda's where I knew he would be cared for.
Linda made a crazy prediction about how she thought her brother would die next. Ick. I have a dead woman's belongings in my car and she's talking about her brother like that. On the first Thursday of the move, I got to view my own brother's apartment in Escondido for the first time. It's full of comic books in plastic bins which are pretty much junk to me, but a side business to him. And then I pictured me having to deal with all his crap. It's inevitable. His health issues are 2000 times worse than mine.
Anyway, it's New Years day and instead of watching the Rose Parade in an endless loop, I thought I'd suck down some hot black breakfast tea to get my blood flowing and try to stay warm and dole out this blog entry that has been rolling around in my head for a bit. Work has been a bitch to catch up with since I took time off and also went to the doctor for my swollen foot, which turned out to be nothing. Discussing my foot over lunch with my boss, it was a day and a half off of work for the two doctor's appointments, the blood work and the x-rays for him to tell me he doesn't know what's wrong with my foot or how to fix it. That instills in me a hell of a lot of faith in the medical system, she said sarcastically. After talking to my friend Manny about my swollen foot, a 300+lb man who went through his own brand of foot issues, he told me that his dad said your arches start to fall at age 40. Well, shit I'm 44. So, after my last doctor's appointment where I got the news that my blood work came back normal and the x-rays showed nothing and yet I was still dealing with swelling and pain... I drove to CVS and bought some arch supports and placed them into my new sneakers. Funny, my feet haven't hurt much since.
I still need to figure out what to do with my mom's '97 Buick. I'm not confident its in good enough condition to sell. The steering wheel adjustment lever is broke off so the position it's in now is so low to the seat, it's even uncomfortable for me to drive. And I'm not sure if I can jam a flatheat screwdriver in there to such a degree as to adjust the thing either. I already know the a/c is busted. I don't know what mom did with the $1k she borrowed from her sister to get it fixed. And she told me other things are busted on it too... it needs work. I should just get it off of the property and junk it. Save any other seniors in her former complex or anyone else for that matter from having to deal with that shitty vehicle. Stay tuned.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
And so the odyssey begins...
The checklist
2 adults
1 16 ft moving truck with a pneumatic lift
and the will to move a small apartment from El Cajon to Santa Ana into storage.
Here we go.
Time out: Saturday, 1:25PM
Time in: Sunday, 9:10PM
The majority of the time was spent packing the remaining things that didn't get packed the previous weekend I was there and putting everything into the truck. It took 4 hours of driving (2 each way) because I had to drive 55 mph in the moving truck on the freeway. It's the law in California. I also had to go through all of the weigh stations along the side of the freeway as well and for those, you get to cruise through at a blistering 5 mph before you're given the OK to merge back onto the freeway.
We had to go to Home Depot in El Cajon to pick-up bubble wrap and more boxes and it was a good thing we did because boxes are cheaper there than at Ofice Depot and that allowed us to also get another lock and a small jar of spackle for the half a million nail holes she put into the wall over the 13 years she lived there.
The drive back to OC was kind of harrowing. It was full on raining and the freeway speed reduced to 45 mph in certain spots because of it. There were two accidents along the way that people just had to look at which slowed down traffic even further. The roads were so wet, I could feel the full truck hydroplaning abit.
It took almost 3 hours to unpack the truck. In the rain. That sucked.
After it was all done, I took my son to Carl's Jr. because were were both hungry, tired, and wet from the ordeal and I didn't feel like going home and cooking at all. I crawled into bed when I got home and slept for the next six hours straight. Then I got up at 3AM and took a hot bath with epsom salts to try to make my soar muscles feel better. What it did was allow me to sleep through my 5AM alarm and I left the house as well as got to work late.There wasn't enough Advil in the world to stop my soar muscles from aching today.
2 adults
1 16 ft moving truck with a pneumatic lift
and the will to move a small apartment from El Cajon to Santa Ana into storage.
Here we go.
Time out: Saturday, 1:25PM
Time in: Sunday, 9:10PM
The majority of the time was spent packing the remaining things that didn't get packed the previous weekend I was there and putting everything into the truck. It took 4 hours of driving (2 each way) because I had to drive 55 mph in the moving truck on the freeway. It's the law in California. I also had to go through all of the weigh stations along the side of the freeway as well and for those, you get to cruise through at a blistering 5 mph before you're given the OK to merge back onto the freeway.
We had to go to Home Depot in El Cajon to pick-up bubble wrap and more boxes and it was a good thing we did because boxes are cheaper there than at Ofice Depot and that allowed us to also get another lock and a small jar of spackle for the half a million nail holes she put into the wall over the 13 years she lived there.
The drive back to OC was kind of harrowing. It was full on raining and the freeway speed reduced to 45 mph in certain spots because of it. There were two accidents along the way that people just had to look at which slowed down traffic even further. The roads were so wet, I could feel the full truck hydroplaning abit.
It took almost 3 hours to unpack the truck. In the rain. That sucked.
After it was all done, I took my son to Carl's Jr. because were were both hungry, tired, and wet from the ordeal and I didn't feel like going home and cooking at all. I crawled into bed when I got home and slept for the next six hours straight. Then I got up at 3AM and took a hot bath with epsom salts to try to make my soar muscles feel better. What it did was allow me to sleep through my 5AM alarm and I left the house as well as got to work late.There wasn't enough Advil in the world to stop my soar muscles from aching today.
Friday, December 17, 2010
It's raining again... and again.
I woke up this morning and turned on the television to watch our local weather caster who had pretty much filled in the extended forecast with every variance of a rainy day description she could remember, other than torrential down pour, over the next five to seven days. This was not good news because I'm moving my mother's belongings into storage this weekend. And it must be done this weekend. Next weekend is Christmas and you know just about nothing purposeful is going to get done that weekend other than the typical holiday faire. The following weekend is New Years, but the rent is only paid up to the 31st, so, again, I'm feeling screwed and not in the good way. I can only hope that Mother Nature has some pity on me and parts the storm clouds and ceases all precipitation long enough for me to get the truck loaded up.
Any sort of yard sale/estate sale is now out of the question due to the inclement weather unless I have it inside her apartment. I'm not sure if I'm exactly comfortable with that idea.
Any sort of yard sale/estate sale is now out of the question due to the inclement weather unless I have it inside her apartment. I'm not sure if I'm exactly comfortable with that idea.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Karma's a bitch
In life, there is always a yin and a yang, a good and a bad, a right and a wrong, a black and the white. It's all those shades of gray that are the really messy stuff.
Steve is gone. He realized that he's not ready for a relationship. #1 reason: he's still in one. His host of health problems, I feel, are due to stress from him not wanting to deal with his problems in the first place. His arguments are mostly circular which perpetuates his issues. I can't and won't fix you. Bye bye - good luck. You'll need it.
My mother passed away suddenly. I'm sure it was another blood clot that did her in. I wasn't close to her. I barely knew her. I'm glad I'm not that way with my son.
She did a lot of crappy things to hurt my brother and me while we were growing up and to this day some of her spite-filled actions, even through they were supposed to get my father's attention, still effect us. As adults, we feel fucked over by her passing in December and me discovering she had been living off of her credit cards for awhile now. I found two that were charge off's and there is this one for $15k. How the hell am I supposed to settle that? Shit.
She purposefully isolated herself away from family. After her triple heart by-pass last April, she finally understood doing so was not the way things are supposed to be and that her decision was screwed up.
I remember her saying this so many times when she didn't like what she was hearing from whomever it was that was saying it and now reflecting on the past, it wreaks of karma... drop dead. Ah, memories.
I'll write more later when I'm not so busy. December is kicking my ass at work and home.
Steve is gone. He realized that he's not ready for a relationship. #1 reason: he's still in one. His host of health problems, I feel, are due to stress from him not wanting to deal with his problems in the first place. His arguments are mostly circular which perpetuates his issues. I can't and won't fix you. Bye bye - good luck. You'll need it.
My mother passed away suddenly. I'm sure it was another blood clot that did her in. I wasn't close to her. I barely knew her. I'm glad I'm not that way with my son.
She did a lot of crappy things to hurt my brother and me while we were growing up and to this day some of her spite-filled actions, even through they were supposed to get my father's attention, still effect us. As adults, we feel fucked over by her passing in December and me discovering she had been living off of her credit cards for awhile now. I found two that were charge off's and there is this one for $15k. How the hell am I supposed to settle that? Shit.
She purposefully isolated herself away from family. After her triple heart by-pass last April, she finally understood doing so was not the way things are supposed to be and that her decision was screwed up.
I remember her saying this so many times when she didn't like what she was hearing from whomever it was that was saying it and now reflecting on the past, it wreaks of karma... drop dead. Ah, memories.
I'll write more later when I'm not so busy. December is kicking my ass at work and home.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Work Work Work Thanksgiving Work
2010 Thanksgiving Day Menu:
Mustard deviled eggs
Celery sticks with goat cheese and peanut butter
Stuffed turkey breast
Cranberry sauce with orange bits
Rustic red skinned mashed potatoes with pan roasted garlic
Oven roasted carrots with rosemary
White corn on the cobettes
Turkey gravy
Wheat dinner rolls
pumpkin cake with vanilla frosting
Martinelli sparkling apple cider
Kendall-Jackson Vintner's Reserve Chardonnay
Mustard deviled eggs
Celery sticks with goat cheese and peanut butter
Stuffed turkey breast
Cranberry sauce with orange bits
Rustic red skinned mashed potatoes with pan roasted garlic
Oven roasted carrots with rosemary
White corn on the cobettes
Turkey gravy
Wheat dinner rolls
pumpkin cake with vanilla frosting
Martinelli sparkling apple cider
Kendall-Jackson Vintner's Reserve Chardonnay
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Oh the weekends here... again.
After going to dinner at a Thai place, I spent the night at Steve's house in Santa Monica again. I fell alseep on the couch. Passed out. Dinner was good. Whatever he had on TV was boring, so I dozed off. He woke me up at 3AM when he was going to bed after doing whatever he does on the computer. It didn't matter to me whether I slept on the couch or the bed after being asleep for 6 hours.
I woke up and eat the rest of the thai food that was left over and updated my yelp.com page and got on the road back to home by 9am or so. I went to a baby shower on Saturday afternoon. It was a shower for the unmarried daughter of one of the ladies at work. I'm not sure if it was greed or a nicity, but I was invited.
It turned out to be one of those events that might be career suicide if you didn't attend as the boss of my department went... the gal that called me into to the job that I have now. Her and her daughter that once worked for me as well as her two grand babies were there, too. Besides me, only three other people from work showed up... there were more invited. But it will all come out in the wash, now won't it?
I'm not feeling the effects of the time change - yet. I've been waking up early for weeks now. As long as I get my 6, I'm cool.
I woke up and eat the rest of the thai food that was left over and updated my yelp.com page and got on the road back to home by 9am or so. I went to a baby shower on Saturday afternoon. It was a shower for the unmarried daughter of one of the ladies at work. I'm not sure if it was greed or a nicity, but I was invited.
It turned out to be one of those events that might be career suicide if you didn't attend as the boss of my department went... the gal that called me into to the job that I have now. Her and her daughter that once worked for me as well as her two grand babies were there, too. Besides me, only three other people from work showed up... there were more invited. But it will all come out in the wash, now won't it?
I'm not feeling the effects of the time change - yet. I've been waking up early for weeks now. As long as I get my 6, I'm cool.
More more more
I hate it when I'm driving to work or at work doing something and a blog topic hits me and I can't write it down immediately to put it down into words later. It's a pain. I keep a note pad in my car, but really when do you get to jot down a damn thing while driving on the freeway in the dark at 6am going 70 mph? You don't. I was thinking of getting a personal digital recorder.
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