Helloo 44

Yesterday was my 44th birthday. I've been on this earth for 44 years. 44. Forty plus four. Here I am. Where have I been? What have I become? Where am I going?

I probably was supposed to ask myself questions like these a while ago, but life got in the way. Now that my son is two years away from graduating college, I feel like I've got a second chance to mold my life into something that's going to make me more happy than just getting by on the day-to-day grind that someone else was so kind to show me the path to.

To be human is to make mistakes. As long as you are open enough to learn from them and not repeat them, you take another step along your journey to a good life.

Funky

I've been in a funk lately. I think it's a combination of things that are effecting my moods: my job, turning 44, getting my Crohn's under control, not getting out of life what I thought I wanted in so much as a career goes and being lonely. Social anxiety makes me shy and nervous around groups of unfamiliar people. It's amazing to me that some people that have come to my attention recently are worse off than me financially and still somehow function. I guess I'm at a point where I don't have anything to really live for and the question, "What's next?", is being waved furiously in my face and I'm avoiding the answer for fear of my own disappointment and that feeds my procrastination. I've always been one to do just enough to get by and I've been happy with that, but since now I don't even feel like doing that... funk. Funkity, funk, funk.

Don't mind me, I just live here.

Thank you, John Kumpart. I've been looking for the words to start my blog all week long.

My neighbors in #15 have been remodeling their bathroom for far too long and I want the noise to stop. But especially the noise before 8AM and after I go to bed. That is quite annoying, indeed. We share a common wall.

I wish they were more respectful in general. When they first moved in, they installed a washer and dryer on their patio next to where my bedroom is. Because I complained to the HOA, they moved it to the other side of their patio instead of removing it altogether. I hate them for that.

I also hate it when they smoke on the patio and the smell travels into my condo when I leave the sliding glass door open for my cats to poo outside. I hate it when the one guy walks his motorcycle into his patio storing it there and I hate it when he starts it up there as well. I hate when they leave their dog unattended and it barks uncontrollably at all hours. And I hate when their kids throw stuff over the fence into my yard. I also hate the satellite dish they mounted on the fence where everyone can see it. All these things are against HOA rules. Worse condo neighbors ever.

convergance

Today is a day when lots of thing are converging. Rotd on yelp and talked to my uncle this morning who told me my grandma passed away yesterday. She was 102.

That Rotd was the last time I was on a date and it went bad, but last night I talked to a guy on the phone for two hours and we clicked. We are supposed to meet for lunch on Saturday at a place of his choosing. He's got the word angel in his last name. Italian, 3 cats, a tortoise and works in the mortgage industry like me. So he might be an o.k. guy which makes me feel hopeful for the future.

Physical... Education?

When I take the Metro light rail to work, I walk from the train station to work which is about 15 minutes away. It's not a big deal. I pre-plan my trip to make sure that when I depart from the train I have enough time to walk to work. As I come out of the station and walk south to the first crosswalk, I cross the street and pass by a business with the name Spectrum Athletic Club.

I always encounter someone on their long sidewalk. And I started to think about all the different people that that I've seen come and go from this place as I walk to and from work. It's a funny juxtaposition to me. Here I am walking to work to earn a living... here are all these people walking into and out of a gym they paid money to go to.

They have paid someone to tell them to work out. But can't you do that for yourself?

'Physical education' is a funny term.

Until you were in junior high, you didn't need any education on how to be physical. You and your neighborhood friends somehow spent most of your waking hours outside playing. Even at school, you played games to get that extra added activity in and got a grade for it.

Once junior high hits you, physical education then turns into a chore. Why is that? One specific person to tell you that, today, you're going to run the track because that's why they deem to be physical enough for you? Something just seems wrong with that.

My life at work

Seriously, what is wrong with people... what were they thinking when they invite me to a meeting without telling me the agenda or the fact that it's a sales person? Trying to be congenial, all I could think of was the fact that I'm never going to get that hour back ever. I went to lunch 20 minutes late because of it.

The salesman basically came by to talk about another product that's not even in production yet trying to generate interest. I wish I were somewhere else.

Fuck You All

I deleted all of my so-called friends on Facebook that were in my games group. Playing games for me on the computer is such a grand waste of time. I'm now left with about 176 people... a combination of family, friends, old school mates and a few artists and musicians. Shut up - people in the arts feed my soul. Besides, it's better to be active showing your support them than passively on the computer.

I hate Mother's Day...

Over time, I have gained a keen lack of appreciation for certain pseudo holidays that requires one to buy and give gifts or dress up in order to celebrate. Namely Mother's Day, Father's Day, Halloween and Valentine's Day. Let's take a look at them statistically:

Candy = 3:4
Flowers = 2:4
Perfume/Cologne = 3:4
Eating out = 3:4
Cards = 4:4
Clothing = 2:4

...but even I succumbed to 2:4 this weekend, thanks to Mom.

I woke up at my usual 5:05AM and by 6:30AM, I was traveling on Interstate 5 South to drive to El Cajon for Mother's Day. I took my mom out to breakfast to a place called Country Waffle. It's not as good at Waffle House, but the location and price were right. You can read my Yelp review about it. There is a widget on the left hand side of the screen to take you there.

It's been a month since the last time I visited. After her triple bypass, she seemed to struggle less with the fatigue and be more "in the moment" that she had been before the surgery. I bought her two mangevilla plants to replace the sad grape vine that I took to her bff's home in Lakeside. I planted those and monitored her while she did her laundry by herself for the first time in a month. She says she needs the wheeled walker, but I don't know. It's use is more of a dolly for her... a place to put her purse and coat between my car and the restaurant or a way for her to get her clothes to the laundry room in her apartment complex.

After planting and watering her patio, she gave me a waffle maker and I drove home at about Noon. Since I pass by an outlet mall on the way home, I decided to stop by, but since there was a mob scene at Carlsbad due to Mother's Day sales, I just drove through the parking lot and got back onto the freeway to go home. It was medium-heavy traffic from that point on all the way home.

I did not cook or clean today one bit. I got home, took a nap, got up and made myself a turkey sandwich on garlic rosemary sourdough I picked up from the Farmer's Market in El Segundo last Thursday. Turkey, mayo, mustard, soy cheddar, chopped sweet onion and spinach leaves. That how my sandwich goes.

The Rat Race

Friday, I had an extended break over tea talking to someone about all the goings on at work. It was good, but weird. I went into this job stating I did not want to be in management, but when people elicit my expertise or opinion because direct "management" is so poor and then act upon it, it makes me wonder what's in store for the future. The bad part is with all the hind sight we spoke about regarding a previous company, it won't help the current situation.

The good part, to some degree, was to realize it was not only me who is thinking the same things about the company. When a company sheds departments in lieu of 3rd party outsourcing, they tell you it's a cost cutting measure, but it stinks. It stinks for the workers who loose their jobs. It stinks worse when those jobs don't stay in the USA, but we shall see how that pans out.

At any rate, to quell my nervousness over these issues that leave me with an unstable financial feeling even though I was previously told that I'm supposed to be a part of the Master Servicing Team (a leftover skeleton crew of analysts), I'm looking for another job now before I suddenly find myself out of a job later due to whatever reason this CU ceases to function.

Sweet Talking Woman by ELO: "... insufficient data coming though ...what can I do?"

Nuts

Ever since I took over the credit reporting for the company I work for, my days have been consumed with other peoples problems. I'm not sure if I like it much. I was getting headaches the first couple of days I was working on my own. At least those have subsided.

I ate breakfast and lunch today so by the time dinner rolled around, I was hungry again - too hungry to go home and make dinner for myself, so I went to El Pollo Loco after getting some cash at the ATM.

My son was home by the time I got there and that was unexpected. He skipped class today. I hate when he does that. I've paid for all of his college this semester, so it's my feeling he should GO!

I threw an almond at one of my cats to see what it would do. It stared at kernel for awhile. The cat pushed it around a bit, sniffed, then stared at again. My son and I were eating the same almonds from across the room. I know the cat was getting hungry because she licked her lips, but she didn't eat the nut.

And what is up with this crappy ass gray dingy bull shit weather again? I am so ready for Spring and Summer to be here. It drizzled on my car this morning. A clear sign for me not to take the train.

So Wednesday I'm supposed to go out for drinks with people from work and then Thursday I think I'm having dinner with a friend in Long Beach - I think. The last time we planned it, the plans fell through at the last minute which leads me to believe that it's probably going to happen again. *Sigh*