McScrooge for Valentines Day

I hate Valentine's Day. I hate any pseudo holiday that lands on my calendar in which people are coerced to participate in an act of consumerism towards one another in a fake kind of way. So that, for me, includes Mother's Day as well as the quote "holiday" I was born on - Father's Day. And if you feel like lumping Christmas and Easter into the pool because these days have lost their original means over the many years they have been celebrated, you have my permission.

Oh, let me count the many ways I would rather punch a fork into my foot than participate in this ridiculous ritual called Valentine's Day:

1. It almost requires you to pick someone special in your life to dote over. What if you're an equal opportunity doter? I believe everyone in your life is deserving of your attention unconditionally because they are special enough to be a part of your life in the first place. If you've held conditions for them to interact with you, maybe you should reconsider their friendship and they should, too, once they hopefully open their eyes to your deceptive ways.

2. Any holiday created to be one in which you have to buy something for someone to get their attention and affection is wrong. Words and actions ring true and are remembered, but that stupid box of chocolates in a heart-shaped box is not going to be there for long. Besides, I can't eat chocolate.

3. It's a holiday of pink, red and purple, but mostly red. Not everyone looks good in red. Red is the color of the cars that get the most tickets on the highways because it's supposedly a 'fast' color. Red should be a color reserved for lipstick, stop lights, certain vegetables and fruits and roses.

4. The holiday of rejection. Nothing says love more than being forced to participate in having to hand out valentines cards to 35 students in your elementary school class room when you really have no clue why the hell you're doing it in the first place other than you know its cupcake day once more. The chore always rattles your parents because you wait until the very last minute to tell them you need the cards to pass out because everyone else is doing it (which is not true, by the way). And then you have to exchange your TV time for writing out names of people you didn't even know existed in your class because they never sat by you?

The best part of the day is when you're handing the cards out and you get all these weird looks from the receipants. Nice.

As an adult, you try to be civil, but it usually goes haywire and you get an emotional response you didn't bargain for.

..and all this over Valentine's Day. Bah Humbug.