See: Tool, Guido, Narcissist on www.urbandictionary.com
I have suffered from just too, too many of these men as a result of being on Match.com and Yahoo Personals who sought me out. I understand you have a 50/50 chance at most anything in life you try, but you have to keep trying when you fail. Everyone deserves a little happiness, every single day.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Lunch @ Oggi's in Orange
I took my son out to lunch @ Oggi's in Orange on Saturday afternoon while we were out running errands. He had a custom calzone and a Coke and since I had already ate, ordered a plate of onion rings and a lemonade. This gladiator was staring me down, so I thought I'd take a picture with my cell phone. Note he's missing his sword. I'm guessing drunk patrons and long sharp objects don't mix well.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
The Digital Divide
When I was in my senior year of high school, I took a general aptitude test for military service not knowing exactly what I wanted to do with my life at that point. The results were that I tested in the 99th percentile. The Army wanted me to go into computers and I basically laughed in the recruiters face. I wanted to fly and if they weren't going to offer that to me, I would not enlist. This was 1984. Fontana High School barely had a computer class located somewhere on campus in a temporary trailer and I didn't know what the internet was back then even though it was already 15 years old.
I did not even touch a computer of any kind until 1988 when I went to work for Wells Fargo. In 1995, in my third career by then, I bought my own personal computer.
Now, as I prepare to attend my 25th high school reunion, I'd like to reach out to my classmates and make sure they are aware of the event. So when I try to look for familiar names and faces of my past, I'm coming to this place called 'the digital divide'. Many graduates of 1983 somehow avoided the internet and computers either by economics, choice or career. A lot more from 1984 and beyond are on the internet. It feels odd to me to come across a person who says, "I'm not on the internet" in 2009. I expect this from someone my mothers age who is in her mid 70's, not mine.
I did not even touch a computer of any kind until 1988 when I went to work for Wells Fargo. In 1995, in my third career by then, I bought my own personal computer.
Now, as I prepare to attend my 25th high school reunion, I'd like to reach out to my classmates and make sure they are aware of the event. So when I try to look for familiar names and faces of my past, I'm coming to this place called 'the digital divide'. Many graduates of 1983 somehow avoided the internet and computers either by economics, choice or career. A lot more from 1984 and beyond are on the internet. It feels odd to me to come across a person who says, "I'm not on the internet" in 2009. I expect this from someone my mothers age who is in her mid 70's, not mine.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
In Succession
I live in an apartment complex that was built in 1964 and went condo in 1971. I bought this 2 bedroom / two bath unit because 1) it was in the same neighborhood I was living in for the past 8 years which allowed me to keep my son in the same school he was attending and, 2) it was dirt cheap as I got it in an auction from HUD in 1999 for $90,567. I live on the corner and have the biggest legal patio of all my neighbors. When I walked into the place for the first time I could see the good bones and tried really hard to overlook pepto-bismol pink walls, no carpet and lots of details that were needed to make this functional for a family to live there. I liked the fact that I didn't have to be responsible for the outside paint, the roof or the gardening. These things were all paid for out of my association dues as well as water and trash - that's the bonus you get with living in a condo. The one thing that was initially weird for me to get used to is that there was no gas. Heating, hot water and cooking were all electric. Now I'm used to it and I even prefer to cook with electric over gas especially when I bake. The edible results are so much more predictable and successful in an electric powered oven.
So, prior to me moving into my humble abode, I quickly had to paint, carpet and make sure that at least one of the two bathrooms worked. Brian helped me paint, and I ran around to every discount carpet outlet I could find on tile row in Anaheim until I settled on New York Carpets which did a fine job with better quality carpet than I hoped for, but lost my gate clicker during the installation process.
I had been previously sharing a bedroom with my son so I didn't even have a bed of my own. I slept on an air mattress for about 6 weeks until I could afford to buy a bed of my own. I lucked out in my timing joining Bankers Trust and had received a bonus for them meeting their sales goal one year and with that money, I went out and bought a couch, love seat from the attic/clearance floor of McMahon's Furniture on time and a dining room table and chairs from Ikea (which I still have to this day). I later went back to that same McMahon's and bought an oak square coffee table.
So over time, I have been working on little things around the place. I installed my shower door, but it took me a few years because there was this weird angle to tackle and I wasn't sure how I was going to do that. I finally decided to add a strip of painted molding and that made the opening perpendicular again. I changed out all of the light fixtures except for the combo fan and light in the dining room. I had to get new glass for that. I had to buy a crazy number of handles and pulls because they were gone. Eventually, I installed a garbage disposal and a dishwasher, too.
My last item to change was the faucets in both bathrooms and the kitchen, too. And I don't know how many times I've changed that shower head to something that I finally like. I never knew there were so many choices of shower heads in my life.
Now, I'm at a point where the little things are working and the big things that need to be updated are obvious to me. I need a new kitchen. I need a kitchen with maxed out cabinets for storage and a place for a tankless hot water heater, a dishwasher and a European style single unit washer/dryer. That means I need a plumber and an electrician, but not before I plan the kitchen. And not before I change out all the windows and sliding glass doors because I can't get the cabinets into the positions I want then without a tiny bit more wall space. And the sliding glass doors are not standard and I hate that. You can't buy non-standard sizes of screen doors and that is such a pain.
So here is my to-do list in order:
Kitchen & bedroom:
1) two new sliding glass doors in the back. These need to be moved toward the east. That will give me more wall space in the diving room for cabinetry.
Livingroom & front bedroom:
2) new windows in the front. Something dual pane and tinted to help take the heat and noise down a couple of notches.
Kitchen:
3)plan for the kitchen
4) demo the kitchen , buy the cabinets, hardware, new sink, and the tankless hot water heater. Install a new tile floor.
5) call the electrician
5) call the plumber to add pipes for the washer and the new tankless hot water heater
6) Install the cabinets and the tankless hot water heater
7) buy a new kitchen table and chairs and maybe a chopping block. Paint.
Main Bathroom:
8) plan for the new main bathroom. Locate and buy the new tub, sink and toilet.
9) demo the bathroom. repair the plaster walls.
9a) call the carpenter for the custom cabinet installation, rough out the tub area and tile.
10) call the electrician to rewire the exhaust fan to the light and install the motor for the tub. Up the amps for the circuit in the breaker box.
11) call the plumber to relocate the pipes for the new tub. replace all shut-off valves. Paint.
12) install the new toilet
Master bathroom:
13) plan for master bathroom
14) cut out the angular wall, greenboard and retile. demo the rest.
15) install new glass wall and door. new floor. new pedestal sink to make it more spacious. install new toilet.
16) install heat lamp new fan, create a cabinet over the toilet.
I still have to landscape the patio, too! But after all that work, the place will be nice, ready for sale and livable for maybe another 20 years.
So, prior to me moving into my humble abode, I quickly had to paint, carpet and make sure that at least one of the two bathrooms worked. Brian helped me paint, and I ran around to every discount carpet outlet I could find on tile row in Anaheim until I settled on New York Carpets which did a fine job with better quality carpet than I hoped for, but lost my gate clicker during the installation process.
I had been previously sharing a bedroom with my son so I didn't even have a bed of my own. I slept on an air mattress for about 6 weeks until I could afford to buy a bed of my own. I lucked out in my timing joining Bankers Trust and had received a bonus for them meeting their sales goal one year and with that money, I went out and bought a couch, love seat from the attic/clearance floor of McMahon's Furniture on time and a dining room table and chairs from Ikea (which I still have to this day). I later went back to that same McMahon's and bought an oak square coffee table.
So over time, I have been working on little things around the place. I installed my shower door, but it took me a few years because there was this weird angle to tackle and I wasn't sure how I was going to do that. I finally decided to add a strip of painted molding and that made the opening perpendicular again. I changed out all of the light fixtures except for the combo fan and light in the dining room. I had to get new glass for that. I had to buy a crazy number of handles and pulls because they were gone. Eventually, I installed a garbage disposal and a dishwasher, too.
My last item to change was the faucets in both bathrooms and the kitchen, too. And I don't know how many times I've changed that shower head to something that I finally like. I never knew there were so many choices of shower heads in my life.
Now, I'm at a point where the little things are working and the big things that need to be updated are obvious to me. I need a new kitchen. I need a kitchen with maxed out cabinets for storage and a place for a tankless hot water heater, a dishwasher and a European style single unit washer/dryer. That means I need a plumber and an electrician, but not before I plan the kitchen. And not before I change out all the windows and sliding glass doors because I can't get the cabinets into the positions I want then without a tiny bit more wall space. And the sliding glass doors are not standard and I hate that. You can't buy non-standard sizes of screen doors and that is such a pain.
So here is my to-do list in order:
Kitchen & bedroom:
1) two new sliding glass doors in the back. These need to be moved toward the east. That will give me more wall space in the diving room for cabinetry.
Livingroom & front bedroom:
2) new windows in the front. Something dual pane and tinted to help take the heat and noise down a couple of notches.
Kitchen:
3)plan for the kitchen
4) demo the kitchen , buy the cabinets, hardware, new sink, and the tankless hot water heater. Install a new tile floor.
5) call the electrician
5) call the plumber to add pipes for the washer and the new tankless hot water heater
6) Install the cabinets and the tankless hot water heater
7) buy a new kitchen table and chairs and maybe a chopping block. Paint.
Main Bathroom:
8) plan for the new main bathroom. Locate and buy the new tub, sink and toilet.
9) demo the bathroom. repair the plaster walls.
9a) call the carpenter for the custom cabinet installation, rough out the tub area and tile.
10) call the electrician to rewire the exhaust fan to the light and install the motor for the tub. Up the amps for the circuit in the breaker box.
11) call the plumber to relocate the pipes for the new tub. replace all shut-off valves. Paint.
12) install the new toilet
Master bathroom:
13) plan for master bathroom
14) cut out the angular wall, greenboard and retile. demo the rest.
15) install new glass wall and door. new floor. new pedestal sink to make it more spacious. install new toilet.
16) install heat lamp new fan, create a cabinet over the toilet.
I still have to landscape the patio, too! But after all that work, the place will be nice, ready for sale and livable for maybe another 20 years.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Super Bowl 43
I had the pleasure of watching the Super Bowl this year with a professional football coach. Oh yeah, even his email address says he's a coach. It was a kick to hear him call out the plays before the commentators did. We ate homemade guacamole and drank mimosas throughout the game. I also got to talk to him about all that is going on in his life and remodeling my home. I normally don't like sales people, but he turned out to be not as obnoxious as I thought he'd be. Would I see him again? Probably not because of "GU"... geographically undesirable or in other words. lives to damned far away. NEXT!
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Reunions
I was born in 1966 in Long Beach, California. My father worked as a machinist primarily in the aerospace industry and my mother was a bank teller up until the point I was born. Before I was two years old, my dad had bought five and a half acres on Tokay Avenue near Baseline and we moved there living in a tiny farm house. My neighbor to the south was the Beer's Farm and to the north across the street was an egg ranch. Growing up, I lived on a working ranch with an ever changing array of animals. After I started school, my playmates were the animals in my yard or classmates that lived on Citrus and further. I took boiled goose eggs to school for snack time. After school, I would cross the field and play at the Hotyek's house. We'd play board games after school as well as cards and school. Karen was a classmate and her older sisters sometimes were my babysitters. I remember in first grade I had to go to Janice Taylor's house because we had the same lunchbox and picked up the wrong one when leaving school. I remember going to Monique Pinkerton's house in order to participate in BlueJays which was a sort of junior girl scouts troupe for girls.
After my parents were divorced when I was 7, I went to many different schools in Fontana. Juniper, South Tamarind, Jurupa, Fontana Jr. High and Sequoia Jr. High, too. In 1981, at Fontana High School I was a Sophomore as was the rest of my class. 9th grade was still housed at the junior high school level at that time.
I graduated high school in 1984 and our class's biggest worry was what the future had in store for us as a gloomy piece of literature written years before hung in our conscientiousness. The last thing on my mind was if I was ever going to see the people I had gone to high school with as my immediate need was to find my own mental clarity and what my purpose in the world was going to be. The day after I graduated from high school, I was 17 years old and moved miles and miles away from everything that was familiar to me to make a fresh start and gain some perspective on what I had experienced growing up in a broken home with fractured, imperfect people as parents.
By 1994, I had lived in a number of cities, but settled in Tustin, California, near where I was working for an investment bank making a career for myself in the financial industry and a home for my son. It never occurred to me that 45 miles and two counties away my name was on a list as part of a reunion plan because I never received an invitation.
In 2004, I had bought a home, was working at another job in the same industry and my son was a junior in high school when I received the notice that my graduating class was going to reunite. After twenty years, I had not made any effort to stay in contact with anyone from my high school days and my best friend was living in Kansas. I had little interest in seeing classmates that probably barely remembered me.
So now in 2009, I was recruited to participate in the 25th anniversary of my class reunion as a member of the committee. To be continued after the reunion takes place...
After my parents were divorced when I was 7, I went to many different schools in Fontana. Juniper, South Tamarind, Jurupa, Fontana Jr. High and Sequoia Jr. High, too. In 1981, at Fontana High School I was a Sophomore as was the rest of my class. 9th grade was still housed at the junior high school level at that time.
I graduated high school in 1984 and our class's biggest worry was what the future had in store for us as a gloomy piece of literature written years before hung in our conscientiousness. The last thing on my mind was if I was ever going to see the people I had gone to high school with as my immediate need was to find my own mental clarity and what my purpose in the world was going to be. The day after I graduated from high school, I was 17 years old and moved miles and miles away from everything that was familiar to me to make a fresh start and gain some perspective on what I had experienced growing up in a broken home with fractured, imperfect people as parents.
By 1994, I had lived in a number of cities, but settled in Tustin, California, near where I was working for an investment bank making a career for myself in the financial industry and a home for my son. It never occurred to me that 45 miles and two counties away my name was on a list as part of a reunion plan because I never received an invitation.
In 2004, I had bought a home, was working at another job in the same industry and my son was a junior in high school when I received the notice that my graduating class was going to reunite. After twenty years, I had not made any effort to stay in contact with anyone from my high school days and my best friend was living in Kansas. I had little interest in seeing classmates that probably barely remembered me.
So now in 2009, I was recruited to participate in the 25th anniversary of my class reunion as a member of the committee. To be continued after the reunion takes place...
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
A blast from the past
As the 25th year anniversary of my high school graduation occurs this year, it got me thinking about all of the people I went to school with. These are some names of people that I went to school with and I'm wondering where they are today:
Karen Hotyek
Janice Taylor
Cheryl Sirback
Donna White
David Collins
Joe Trujillo
Belinda Higland
Diana Colantuano
Yvonne Sabala
Sherry Holm
Amy Paulson
Elizabeth Montes - Found! Rialto, CA, happily married with 4 kids.
Melody Stagner - Found! Apple Valley, CA, and a grandmother!
Karen Hotyek
Janice Taylor
Cheryl Sirback
Donna White
David Collins
Joe Trujillo
Belinda Higland
Diana Colantuano
Yvonne Sabala
Sherry Holm
Amy Paulson
Elizabeth Montes - Found! Rialto, CA, happily married with 4 kids.
Melody Stagner - Found! Apple Valley, CA, and a grandmother!
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Cable vs. Satellite
Cable vs. Satellite. When the Time Warner Sales Rep finally tracked me down at my front door, he told me he could reduce my monthly bill if I switched my cable away from Directv. For me, it came down to the money in my pocket. I did the math and finally succombed to the fact that cable+internet bundle=savings for me. I wasn't happy about it because I enjoyed my reliable service, but there it was on paper in black and white. If I went with Time Warner Cable (internet+basic cable/locals/Showtime hd receiver/hd dvr), I was going to save about $30 a month over Directv (with locals, basic, and a Showtime package).
Old - Cable Internet 46.95 + Directv 72.98 = 119.93
New - Bundled Cable Internet + TV = 89.00
Monthly Savings = 30.93
So we set a date for the installation and I didn't really think about it much at all until the day came. The time rolled around and the installer contacted me to verify the location and direction. Fine. He got to my home and didn't even come to the front door. I found him at my patio door because the neighbor's damn dog was barking again, so that irratated me. He then examined where the internet cable was located and came into the house, asked me for a ladder and told me he would run the cable around my front door. NO. I live in a condo and I can't have the wiring like that. I said the wire was previously ran in the attic, so thats where it needs to go. Oh, he didn't like that. Then he went out onto my patio and said he would cut my directv line to install the cable, and I said NO, that's my property. The cable company was supposed to do a full install and not damage my directv because if I want to get rid of cable, then I can reconnect my directv. I told him he needed to run the line into the hole I previously made and he said he couldn't? Oh, my god. We ran around arguing for a good 30 minutes and I finally came to the conclusion he wasn't prepared for the installation and didn't want to go into my attic. My son left the house so he didn't have to listen to me tell this guy what he needed to do, but wasn't. He called his supervisor, and he went to the next job.
I was left angry and without cable. So the supervisor shows up at my door and I explain that the first guy came and he was arguementative, unprepared to preform the installation because he came without supplies and equipment and ultimately did not want to go into the attic to make the connection. He looked at everything again, asked where the connections should be and left to get supplies. Again, not prepared to do the installation. The supervisor came back with a ladder and coaxil and ran the lines in my attic like I asked, dropped the line in my closet, but left me with the duty to get it through the wall which was fine, and then the first guy shows up again with the hd receiver/dvr and installs that. He put the sound through my tv instead of the stereo, but I didn't care that this point, I just wanted him out. I was still irratated, hungry, and had other things to still to do.
So my appointment lasted over three hours with four visits from two people installing my cable tv. I finally got what I wanted with a new drop in the bedroom and a drop in the service hole that was already in the wall in the living room.
Old - Cable Internet 46.95 + Directv 72.98 = 119.93
New - Bundled Cable Internet + TV = 89.00
Monthly Savings = 30.93
So we set a date for the installation and I didn't really think about it much at all until the day came. The time rolled around and the installer contacted me to verify the location and direction. Fine. He got to my home and didn't even come to the front door. I found him at my patio door because the neighbor's damn dog was barking again, so that irratated me. He then examined where the internet cable was located and came into the house, asked me for a ladder and told me he would run the cable around my front door. NO. I live in a condo and I can't have the wiring like that. I said the wire was previously ran in the attic, so thats where it needs to go. Oh, he didn't like that. Then he went out onto my patio and said he would cut my directv line to install the cable, and I said NO, that's my property. The cable company was supposed to do a full install and not damage my directv because if I want to get rid of cable, then I can reconnect my directv. I told him he needed to run the line into the hole I previously made and he said he couldn't? Oh, my god. We ran around arguing for a good 30 minutes and I finally came to the conclusion he wasn't prepared for the installation and didn't want to go into my attic. My son left the house so he didn't have to listen to me tell this guy what he needed to do, but wasn't. He called his supervisor, and he went to the next job.
I was left angry and without cable. So the supervisor shows up at my door and I explain that the first guy came and he was arguementative, unprepared to preform the installation because he came without supplies and equipment and ultimately did not want to go into the attic to make the connection. He looked at everything again, asked where the connections should be and left to get supplies. Again, not prepared to do the installation. The supervisor came back with a ladder and coaxil and ran the lines in my attic like I asked, dropped the line in my closet, but left me with the duty to get it through the wall which was fine, and then the first guy shows up again with the hd receiver/dvr and installs that. He put the sound through my tv instead of the stereo, but I didn't care that this point, I just wanted him out. I was still irratated, hungry, and had other things to still to do.
So my appointment lasted over three hours with four visits from two people installing my cable tv. I finally got what I wanted with a new drop in the bedroom and a drop in the service hole that was already in the wall in the living room.
Friday, January 16, 2009
I - Me - My
A friend pointed out that my ex-bf was a form of narcissist and it struck a chord with me. I have actually dated a number of different men who fit this profile. Could I be a male narcissist magnet?
One incessantly discussed what he does and what he likes as well as what he liked and did, promptly announced his departure and left the scene. It was almost humorous when I started to talk about my work as he nodded off immediately before his departure. See ya, dude!
One talked about how he felt he should have been born long ago in an era when things were simpler. A tinkerer and trying to deengineer things. These are the men that will spend hours upon untold hours dealing with things that don't mean much to anyone else but them. They are less harmless, but still egocentric.
The third one recognized he was lonely in his self-fulfilled world and 'wanted to share his good fortune and his life with someone special'. Dear God, if you see this phrase anywhere online in a dating profile, save yourself the heartache... just close it and go to the next one. This one is disguised as self-cented work-aholic and you will spend many lonely nights waiting for him to find time for you that rarely comes. Good luck.
And yet another was all about how great he is, what his feelings were and what he wanted and how it was your job to fulfill him because you're the girl de jour. Oh, brother. Needy needy needy!
So what did they have in common? Educated professionals respected in their field and appeared to be able to function within society, but could not seem to sustain normal relations with a female. They are interesting to talk to initially, possibly even entertaining, so you engage them. I really wonder how they grow into being this way. Are these men looking ultimately for a nurturing mother figure... a relationship they did not get from their own mother as children? Or are they so highly prized in their own little heads from the BS that everyone feeds them that they think no one woman is ever truly perfect and they continue a fruitless search for someone who doesn't exist. It's sad really.
One incessantly discussed what he does and what he likes as well as what he liked and did, promptly announced his departure and left the scene. It was almost humorous when I started to talk about my work as he nodded off immediately before his departure. See ya, dude!
One talked about how he felt he should have been born long ago in an era when things were simpler. A tinkerer and trying to deengineer things. These are the men that will spend hours upon untold hours dealing with things that don't mean much to anyone else but them. They are less harmless, but still egocentric.
The third one recognized he was lonely in his self-fulfilled world and 'wanted to share his good fortune and his life with someone special'. Dear God, if you see this phrase anywhere online in a dating profile, save yourself the heartache... just close it and go to the next one. This one is disguised as self-cented work-aholic and you will spend many lonely nights waiting for him to find time for you that rarely comes. Good luck.
And yet another was all about how great he is, what his feelings were and what he wanted and how it was your job to fulfill him because you're the girl de jour. Oh, brother. Needy needy needy!
So what did they have in common? Educated professionals respected in their field and appeared to be able to function within society, but could not seem to sustain normal relations with a female. They are interesting to talk to initially, possibly even entertaining, so you engage them. I really wonder how they grow into being this way. Are these men looking ultimately for a nurturing mother figure... a relationship they did not get from their own mother as children? Or are they so highly prized in their own little heads from the BS that everyone feeds them that they think no one woman is ever truly perfect and they continue a fruitless search for someone who doesn't exist. It's sad really.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
New Years Resolutions
I think New Years resolutions are a waste of your time. If you want to make a change, whatever it may be, you are going to do it no matter what time of the year it is. You don't have to wait until January 1st rolls around to get you to make a change. Change ultimately comes from within. When you are ready and willing as well as mentally and physically prepared, and hopefully with a support system in place to reinforce your decision in wanting to change, you will make it happen for yourself.
Everyone is so into the quick fix and the easy way to do things, but I've found that most of the time, you are going to be let down by instant success with little to no effort on your part. It's hollow and it's short lived.
Sometimes, the more difficult road can be the most rewarding.
Everyone is so into the quick fix and the easy way to do things, but I've found that most of the time, you are going to be let down by instant success with little to no effort on your part. It's hollow and it's short lived.
Sometimes, the more difficult road can be the most rewarding.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
