Sunday, June 20, 2010

Helloo 44

Yesterday was my 44th birthday. I've been on this earth for 44 years. 44. Forty plus four. Here I am. Where have I been? What have I become? Where am I going?

I probably was supposed to ask myself questions like these a while ago, but life got in the way. Now that my son is two years away from graduating college, I feel like I've got a second chance to mold my life into something that's going to make me more happy than just getting by on the day-to-day grind that someone else was so kind to show me the path to.

To be human is to make mistakes. As long as you are open enough to learn from them and not repeat them, you take another step along your journey to a good life.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Funky

I've been in a funk lately. I think it's a combination of things that are effecting my moods: my job, turning 44, getting my Crohn's under control, not getting out of life what I thought I wanted in so much as a career goes and being lonely. Social anxiety makes me shy and nervous around groups of unfamiliar people. It's amazing to me that some people that have come to my attention recently are worse off than me financially and still somehow function. I guess I'm at a point where I don't have anything to really live for and the question, "What's next?", is being waved furiously in my face and I'm avoiding the answer for fear of my own disappointment and that feeds my procrastination. I've always been one to do just enough to get by and I've been happy with that, but since now I don't even feel like doing that... funk. Funkity, funk, funk.